This was a necessity for a young boy in the South. While his tutelage never stuck, he might be surprised to learn that I still grew up to be a hunter. All I need is a drawstring shoulder bag carrying my keys, wallet, cell phone, and a douching bulb for emergency visits to the nearest bathroom. Depending on the environment — a dive bar versus a dance club, a bathhouse or a play party — I might be wearing more clothes or less, but the target is the same: It is one of my favorite ways to pass an evening and one of the most enjoyable parts of my life.
At its best, bottoming is a mind-blowing and carnal experience that feels really good. At its worst, it is painful and unpleasant. Clearly there is a right and wrong way to do it, and a learning curve — few guys start off as bottoming champions. You need years of practice, and sometimes you need tips from someone who knows what he is doing. The tips in this slideshow progress from beginner bottoms to more advanced bottoms, so if you are just beginning your magical bottoming journey, the advice at the beginning may be more useful to you than those in the back.
I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive regarding frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: For all others, enjoy the slideshow.
And feel free to leave your own suggestions for sex and dating topics in the comments. Consume high amounts of fiber. The first rule of gay sex applies to bottoms of all calibers: My vegetarian friends say that they hardly need to clean before sex — they simply use the bathroom and are good to go. This is because they consume a high fiber diet, which cleanses the colon. Meat-eaters like myself benefit from fiber regimens like daily Metamucil or Benefiber to keep our runways clear.
In my experience, the best fiber regimens are those that come in powder form that you mix in a glass of water, and most contain psyllium husk — a natural fiber with multiple health benefits. Sugar-free psyllium husk fiber can be purchased on its own, and I have even seen it sold in capsule form. I have not had the same good results from fiber capsules as I have from Metamucil, but some guys might. Metamucil is part of my daily routine.
Loose, runny stool is a nightmare to clean out. Too much fiber can dehydrate you and cause cramps and hemorrhoids, so do not take more than the recommend dose. Make sure you drink plenty of water to stay hydrated — something every healthy person should do anyway. Find a cleaning regimen that works for you. These men have an uncanny ability to just know without a shadow of doubt that their colons are clear and ready for a pounding, no douching required.
These men are mysteries to me. I respect them the way I respect firefighters and contortionists. I cannot quite believe they can do what they do, but they do it nevertheless. I always have to make sure things are good down there before having sex. Some guys do a pre-sex check with a lubed finger, but I do not trust my fingers, which are shorter than most of dicks I want to take. So while a finger check might be convincing for some, I always fear there may be stuff further up.
This is why I almost always clean out beforehand. Some consider it an acceptable occasional practice to relieve constipation, but most would frown at the idea of douching as frequently as every week or more.
I choose to clean frequently because I like to have mess-free anal sex, and have not had any problems from excessive douching. Most guys begin cleaning in the shower with water and a finger, and for some that is enough. Many guys move on to using a douching bulb or enema.
This works for most guys too, although douching bulbs and enemas will not clean your ass as deeply and thoroughly as hoses and shower attachments can.
I use a hose — a shower attachment with a short, smooth nozzle — with slightly warm water and low pressure high pressure is not recommended — ouch. These different cleaning methods have different benefits and different risks which I will go into in the following slides. If you clean out with a douching bulb or enema, take your time. You should never rush the cleaning process, especially if you are a beginner.
Cleaning out is more than putting water up your butt. Good cleaning is also about relaxing your ass muscles and getting comfortable with the feeling of being penetrated before you start play.
The brand Colt makes great douches and cleaning devices, and their products can be found at most sex stores, and they are not too expensive. A good douching bulb will have a large rubber bulb and a smooth plastic nozzle. If you use one in the shower, lube up the nozzle with silicone lube, which will not wash off in water. Gently and slowly stick the nozzle up your butt and gently, slowly squeeze the bulb.
When the bulb is mostly empty of water, gently and slowly I will repeat those two words often because all cleaning requires you to go gentle and slow pull the nozzle out. Hold the water in your ass for a few seconds, then relax and release it into the toilet.
Chances are good that you will need to do this more than once. I know some guys who are good to go after one squirt. Since I prefer rigorous sex, I will usually douche three times at least. I cannot stress this enough: Do not rush it. Not only can you hurt yourself if you rush the process, but a rushed cleaning job will probably not get you completely clean. After some practice, you will discover a frustrating truth: If you have time, clean once, then wait about thirty minutes and clean again.
If you clean with a shower attachment, relax. The trick with cleaning with a douching bulb is to hold the water in your butt for a few seconds.
I do body squats in the shower to push the water up a little deeper. That same rule of thumb does not apply to cleaning out with a hose or shower attachment. When you use a hose, relax your ass and let the water run out freely. Do not try to hold it in. Make sure the water is moderately warm, not hot, and relax your butt.
Hold the nozzle in for a few seconds, allowing the water to run out gently, then pull the nozzle out. Douching with a shower attachment gets me a more thorough clean, typically faster than with an enema. I have experimented with different nozzles, but generally the basic plastic or metal douching nozzle that you get from a sex supply store works great.
I stole my first nozzle a smooth, stainless steel one from a shower room at the Armory in San Francisco — the filming studios for Kink. Since then, I have used nozzles that are longer, slender, and made of smooth PVC or rubber that clean deeper.
I must caution that these are for more advanced bottoms. Deep cleaning is not without its health risks more so than cleaning your ass with an enema but it gets me better prepared for hours of hard sex, ass play with big toys, and fisting.
Train your butt with toys. You could say that my pleasure focus point has shifted from my dick to my butt. I admittedly do not masturbate as much as I used to, and it takes me much longer to cum when I do not have something in me. The opening and closing of this muscle on its own can be very erotic. I discovered this sensation through toy play.
Gay sex tends to focus only on the prostate, since a good top is basically rubbing the prostate with his dick. When my ex-boyfriend and I decided to start playing with toys, I discovered sensations that I had never experienced before. He started pushing a small butt plug in my ass during foreplay, and I learned that the feeling of being opened can be just as intense as being fucked.
Toy play has made me a better bottom and, for many guys, is the gateway to becoming more comfortable with sex. Toys open you up and get you used to the feeling of penetration at your own speed. Most of them are too hard, and many of them have a rough, porous texture. These are novelty items. Those synthetic, sculpted veins can be sharp and very painful.
Remember that the colon is lined with thin, delicate tissue that is easily torn and punctured. Smooth toys work best. Experiment with lubes until you find your favorite.
My favorite lube is Pjur Back Door silicone lube. I know this after experimenting with every kind of lube imaginable, from lotions to kitchen ingredients to Elbow Grease and more. Many guys prefer spit — I do — but spit typically will not work for rough sex or extended play. When I go hard, I use silicone lube.
Silicone lube is messy and stays slick forever, meaning it can sometimes present clean-up problems avoid touching door handles , but it works fine with latex and non-latex condoms and keeps your ass lubed up longer than water-based lube. Silicone lube can also be used in the shower, since it will not wash off with water, meaning you can use it for douching and for shower sex. I have a latex allergy.
When I get fisted, I use non-latex gloves.