Relationships per se are difficult. Two individuals come together — attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide — and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship. Remember we all have personality traits, which does not make us personality disordered.
Notoriously famous personality disorders discussed in films, courts, and domestic disputes are all part of the dramatic-erratic cluster: The film Fatal Attraction quite an excellent performance by Glenn Close and the recent court case of Jodi Arias come to mind. What do all the films and print stories have in common? Dating a person with BPD is not part of your deal — or so you thought.
I use the pronoun his because more women are diagnosed with BPD; men instead earn the label antisocial much easier. What happened to her? How can I fix it. There is simply no consistency. Remember you cannot make somebody happy — happiness is an inside job! Well, no, not really! Is there hope for change? To say the least it is a challenge for both, the person in therapy and the partner who hopes for a quick change.
Imagine you never give your car a wash or oil change — here we go! The roller coaster may even be exiting to the healthier mate of the duo — at times. Never a dull moment — often Adult Children Of Alcoholics and people who grew up in unstable households find familiarity in inconsistency and feel their role is to be the savior. What to expect if you stay? Relational challenges require a lifetime approach if you date somebody with BPD.
It helps to implement a quiet and structured lifestyle. Demands on you will remain higher throughout the relationship compared to dating a non-afflicted partner. If you feel overwhelmed, I strongly recommend you seek assistance in form of counseling from a therapist who may even specialize in the treatment of BPD.
He or she will understand your struggles more intimately and can give you a pretty accurate overview of what to expect. Then you can make an informed decision. Joying a support group is helpful if you decide to stay. Keep your intentions in mind — is this a serious relationship for you? Know the challenges that will come up. You will also be the premiere outlet to practice newly learned social skills.