Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. And it's absolutely true. For example, I can make whole plates of pasta vanish in seconds and order beer in 12 languages.
However, reading the minds of your dates whom I have never seen nor met is not one of those powers. I missed that boat of psychic ability. Additionally, trying to parse each individual situation for an ultimate answer doesn't work so well, because there are millions of situations and often no ultimate answer. However, just a few reliable principles can solve a whole bunch of problems. I've found the following five principles pretty handy. They form the backbone of the Tao of Dating book for women and men , and here they are: Do you see scarcity, lack and limitation around you, or wealth, possibility and abundance?
The mindset you choose bears directly upon the success of your love life and your success in general. Big-heartedness and self-sufficiency, on the other hand, work much better. Even the Bible has something to say about that: So even if you don't have a companion, act as if there is an unlimited supply of what you want available to you already.
And you know what? Because even if only one thousandth of one percent of the 6. That's enough dates to tide you over for a whole month. This one has three words in it. Short-sighted decisions - e. To be able to take care of anyone else, you need to take care of you first.
Simple, totally non-negotiable, and often neglected. If a relationship is making you miserable and unhappy - like that of my friend Holly who was being put down and punched up by the man she was supporting financially - consider ending it. Because fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. So if you're not getting fulfilling feelings in a relationship, chances are you're with the wrong person. The Be-Do-Have paradigm vs. Many people think like this: The proper sequence is: From the right beliefs will flow the right actions, or te the middle word from Tao Te Ching naturally and effortlessly, from which will come right results.
We see this in nature: This is especially true of human relations. Without polarity, relationships fall flat, whether in heterosexual or same-sex couples: As a man, if you take on too much yin, you risk turning into an indecisive wimp, which is not necessarily appealing to women. Having an open heart is great; just remember to keep your spine also. As a woman, if you take on too much yang, you risk turning into a facsimile of a guy, which may be admirable but not necessarily attractive.
Strength is great, but remember that femininity is what draws in the masculine. Get out of your own way. Recently a very intelligent woman wrote to tell me she couldn't date guys who were less smart than her, because they bored her. And when she finally found a guy who was smarter than her, she found herself competing with him and putting him down out of insecurity, thereby driving him away.
Basically, she could not win. So much pain in dating is self-inflicted and has to do with upholding our own importance or appeasing the ego. Therefore I will state here without proof that there is no greater waste of your energy than upholding your own importance. Get used to the idea that it just doesn't matter. The Buddhists have this nifty concept called anatta, or no-self. It basically means that nothing in the universe has a fixed identity - especially you.
If you're breathing and have a heartbeat and just read this phrase, billions of things changed in your mind and body right now. So you're fundamentally not the same you were five seconds ago, let alone five years ago. So quit trying to defend something that essentially isn't there. Whether or not you fully buy into this concept, it's a handy notion: You're also more likely to be kind, compassionate, and fun to be around.
When you practice anatta, all the energy that was used for judgment, competition and defensiveness can now be used for a better purpose: Waiting for the world to arrange its circumstances perfectly to allow you to start loving, to paraphrase Ramana Maharshi, is like wanting to cover the world in leather so you can walk barefoot. It is much simpler to wear shoes. The time to love is always now. So if your best thinking got you here, perhaps it's time to start something new: