Thank you for your inspiration! Kelly Bates is awesome. Then the world saw Zach Bates in a courtship relationship. So, what did Kelly Bates and her family do? They realized, or maybe they realized all along, that each adult is different, and each situation and relationship needs to be treated uniquely.
The core of courtship remains the same, no sex before marriage, but how a couple shows their affection should be left up to the two in the actual relationship. So, what does Kelly think about courtship? Well, below you will find out exactly what her thoughts are. She takes the time to answer her readers questions, especially on the subject of courtship.
Thank you Kelly for being such a role model for us! Are they allowed to spend time alone together in conversation?
How about private telephone conversations? Dottie, I guess every family is different about the ideas they have on courtship. There are so many books and speakers on the subject now. It has become a hot topic around many conservative families. The thing we do agree with is a desire to maintain purity until marriage. There are also many things we disagree with. The couple misses so much that way. They miss learning to romance each other; they miss learning self-control; they miss a very fun and important part of their relationship.
Every couple is different; their circumstances are different; their geographical distance is different; so there should not be just one mold. However, we expect any boy who is serious about pursuing our daughter to have feelings for her! Imagine courting someone with no love! So yes, Chad and Erin are allowed to talk on the phone alone. They have chosen to have chaperones when in each others presence, because they like the accountability. Before courtship, we chose to allow them to communicate through something we called accountability texting.
This may seem like an unnecessary process, but it served two purposes for us: It allowed them to guard their conversations before they were certain that they were ready to become more serious about their relationship. This meant they focused their talk on really getting to know each other, rather than just repeating a lot of emotionally charged words before they were ready for that phase.
It made the whole family become close friends with Chad. This was one of the best and sweetest things we did! After courtship, they began to text direct and talk on the phone each morning and night.
Obviously not…two people plus their families are involved when dealing with relationships. Exciting information is fun to share, and it is a phase of their life that they desire to have prayer for. We share them both… so our friends rejoice with us through the good and encourage us through the trials.
They covet the prayers of others. They have made certain commitments because they want to be good role models for their younger siblings. They have a genuine and refreshing Christ-like love for one another, because their goal is to help each other become closer to Christ as they become closer to one another.
Congratulations to Alyssa and John! Like you said, everyone views courtship differently and no view is the right one.. Dear Elena, Yes, that is her promise ring. Yes, change is always hard. Sometimes we swing too far to the left and sometimes too far to the right, so achieving balance is difficult.
We constantly try to evaluate, hear the kids input, and pray for wisdom! He was very shy. All of our children had avoided casual friendships with the opposite gender in trying to be wise in relationships. However, we began to talk and think and ask questions.
Can there be value in friendships with opposite gender, while still maintaining wholesomeness and avoiding the typical dating for fun mindset?
Our own past convinced us they could with certain cautions and open communication. We began to as a whole emphasize friendships that help strengthen each other spiritually, rather than focusing on relationships that lead to courtship. Their conversations with friends often center around Bible doctrine, or life struggles that they are encouraging each other through.
In the process, Zach learned to communicate with girls! Not all of our children shared his same shyness and timidness, but he was much more prepared in his relationship with Whit since they learned to communicate on a very real and vulnerable level. They are better prepared for marriage than most couples we counsel, yet have still maintained wholesomeness and purity.
We think a little emotion and sparkiness is actually healthy, since we see so many marriages missing it! Love, Kelly I hope that my husband and I are half as graceful when we navigate these unfamiliar waters with our two teens. Love does not come through force, nor can it grow simply because we want it to.