Or is it a dead issue? Thanks, Ben Thanks for your question, Ben! Lots of guys are curious about this. The short answer is: First, decide if it's a good use of your time and effort to message someone a woman a second time when she didn't reply to your first effort.
Then, write a message she can't ignore. But there are a few details in a woman's profile that can tell you if there's a chance she might not respond.
Go to her profile and look for: We look at this number as a quick way to ID and delete the guys who probably messaged us based on looks, rather than being a good fit in the areas that are important. How about opposite habits in drinking or drug use?
What about your politics or religion? Does she want kids while you don't? Again, big differences in your values or lifestyle could be the reason why she did not reply to the first message. Distance In general, we want to meet someone who is close-by. If you want to message her anyway, make sure your message will make her see what she stands to gain by replying!
Would you message you back? Whether or not you wrote a great first message will impact her desire to reply to your second message. Check out what you wrote to her initially.
Did you make an effort in your first message to start the conversation other guys can't? Did you find common ground in her profile and ask her a question about something she said that was interesting to you? Did you genuinely try to start a conversation by being curious about her thoughts, opinions, life choices, or passions?
Then, take a look at your own profile. Do you need to share more about yourself so that SHE can see that you're a good fit for her? Check out this article on how to write a great online dating profile to make sure you're doing yourself justice.
You're up against plenty of guys who have disregarded the basic details of her profile and wrote lazy first messages. Make a Personal Connection You need to make the connection for her to show her you're thoughtful and truly a good match. Check out her profile to find something that is important to her, which you connect on. Don't choose the easy route the second time around.
The easy route here is to go for the "make me laugh" strategy. Anyone could do either of these things, but neither will help you make a personal connection with her showing how and why your values align. On the flip side, you could make an effort to connect with her thoughtfully.
Start by recognizing why she may not have replied to your first message and then start a conversation. That message could look like: Volunteering has been a big part of my life, and I see that it is in your life also. Then, say one short thing about why you believe it's important to you Then ask a question about why this is for her, what it means to her, etc.
A great trick to asking questions that get to deeper sharing and prove you're interested in her thoughts, feelings, and opinions, is to ask "why," "what," and "how?
So many men ask shallow questions that don't show an interest in a woman's thoughts, opinions, or the reasons WHY she enjoys her hobbies, job, or doing the things she loves.
It's usually an indicator that they didn't really read her profile or don't care about much other than her looks!
But when YOU ask a question that shows you read what she wrote, found it interesting, and want to know more about WHY she gets excited about certain things, or what motivates her -- then that's really flattering.
You'll really stand out from other men when you prove you can do that. This will be engaging for her -- and she'll feel more comfortable that you're truly interested in her for all she has to offer, not just a physical connection. Continue to lead the conversation in a way that helps you both learn about the other. By the time you get to the first date , you'll have so much to talk about, it'll be more fun and less awkward for both of you.
If it does not work, then at least you know you did your best to show her the genuine connection you two might have, and that she may have her own reason for not responding. Maybe she likes guys with beards, or blond guys, or some other random preference! Love is a funny thing, and if this one is not the partner you're looking for, you can bet she's on her way to you.
Get back out there and find her!