By Alexander Cheves September 05 I cheated on him and lied about it for months. Late one night, in a parking lot, after spending an angry hour on the phone, I made a decision that was an act of mercy for both of us: I decided never to speak to him again. I needed to tell him I was sorry; he needed to tell me how much I hurt him. We both needed to hug.
Bisexual people are not predisposed to infidelity. I was the cheater — not him. Sure, he may have technically had more options than me. In fact, he was unbearably monogamous and loyal to a fault. This led to his heartache, since he was trying to date me: Yes, he truly was attracted to both men and women.
I understand where this misconception comes from. Our temporary claims of bisexuality damage the credibility — and the dating field — of those whose bisexuality is far from temporary. My ex watched lesbian porn one night and it made me really uncomfortable. The whole time I thought, Oh no! It was childish, but the feeling is understandable: He was clearly attracted to something I would never be able to offer him, and I feared that unmet desire would cause him to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
My ex and I had many differences that made us incompatible, but our different orientations were hardly the reason we split. In actuality, our orientations slightly overlapped. Like a Venn diagram, our relationship existed in the purple area between his bisexual red and my gay blue.
Bisexuals get hurt just as much as the rest of us. I could attempt to rationalize my cheating and say that I did it because I thought, as a bisexual, he would rebound fast with a girl or hit his larger playing field with a vengeance.
But really, those would be excuses. That hurt had nothing to do with his sexual orientation and nothing to do with his place in the LGBT acronym. He was hurt because he was in love. In the long run, our relationship changed me for the better — at his expense. I had been nervous about dating a bi person and was initially filled with jealous insecurity every time I thought about the fact that he was noticing women too.
It took a while to learn that my insecurity was on me, and my nervousness was misplaced. His bisexuality would be no threat to us, but my recklessness and insecurity were.