In other words, can a Christian woman simply adopt children and form a family without a husband? What if a Christian woman wants a husband and children but she wants them much later in life so she can pursue educational and career interests? The questions above are a summary of questions I recently received from a young woman named Jill who is a college student. Jill, like many young women in recent decades, would like to put off having children longer and even when she does she wonders if she needs to have a husband to have children.
In this article she made the following conclusions based on CDC study that showed women having children much later in life: Countries with low fertility rates have populations that are aging and set to shrink, meaning fewer people of working age have to support more older dependents.
Instead it will be the world population that begins to shrink. Each generation will be smaller than the one that preceded it. To say this will cause problems for governments and economies is a vast understatement. And the world population will continue to decline unless this trend of women being more education and career oriented is stopped.
To put that in perspective, today the world has 7. So as we can see Jill is not in the minority of western women with her thoughts about having a career and having children later in life. She is in the majority of women who are choosing to put off having children to a much later age than women of the past and there are very real consequences for this decision by the women of this generation. I am currently in a Bible college.
I have a question. I do not want to get married. I just am not interested in it. I often have asexual feelings and I just do not care for marriage. I want to have children, much later in life. I know a godly woman who never married, though she wanted to. She adopted a girl who had little chance of ever being adopted by a two-parent family. The result has been beautiful.
I have prayed about this, and I still am praying. I will even work from home if I have to. I want to have a child or two, I want a dog, I want to direct a library and if I do not do that then I would like to teach at a Christian school or work in ministry. I want to be a kind boss. I want to help people If I ever get married, I feel led for it to be an equal-but-different partnership.
I pray about these things. I feel led by God in this direction, at least for now. I would like to hear your thoughts. Please comment on each of these paragraphs and tell me what you think. If you are hiring men, then you are any authority over men. The Scriptures tell us that man is to be the head of woman and this is not restricted to just the Church and the Home and would also extend to society in general: Think male secretary to a female a boss.
This is because God designed for man to be over woman in all things. In the Old Testament we are told that women ruling over men is just as shameful as it would be for children to oppress men: O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.
And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh. But Deborah talked about the honor being removed from Barak and these other cowardly men for insisting a woman go into battle with them. So the second part of the answer to your question is — you as a woman should not seek authority over men.
Now sometimes because of this sinful world we live in women are sometimes placed over men — but Christian women should not seek this out. Is Celibacy Right Before God?
He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: He created woman to help man to fulfill his mission to image God by her dependence upon her husband for his leadership, provision and protection and by her serving him and submitting to him.
In this way the husband and wife relationship pictures the relation of God to his people with man modeling God and woman modeling the people of God. Celibacy should only be sought after either because a person has NO desire for a spouse and NO desire for children or their zeal and dedication to serve God is so strong that it makes any thought they would have of having a family seem like nothing. This kind of person wants to dedicate their life in a undivided way in service to God.
Now that does not mean celibate women have to be nuns. They could be missionary nurses or doctors, they could be school teachers or a host other occupations in undivided service to God.
So yes, celibacy is a good thing and it is even called a gift in the Bible. But it is only a good thing if it is pursued for the right reasons and not in order for someone to fulfill their own selfish ambitions or for someone to escape gender roles that God has assigned to marriage. But it is important to understand how they came to be the mother of children without a husband. Some women did have a husband, but perhaps they became pregnant and then he died.
Other single women have faced situations where they had no choice but to take orphaned or needy children in who had not place to go. God honors all these situations where these women courageously raised these children on their own. But these women did not purposefully seek to have children without first being married to a husband. These situations were thrust upon them by God. First a woman marries a man.
Then she has children as a result of her obedience to give herself to her husband. She cares for the needs of her husband and children. She also takes care of the affairs of the home after marriage. Jill, you are making up your own design for the family by even entertaining the thought of trying to have children without first being married.
And yes God will sometimes still bless us in spite of the fact that we went about something the wrong way, but that does not make it right for us to do.
But being a wife and mother is about so much more than just being home when your children or husband are home. It is about caring for the home while they are gone, taking care of their clothing needs, the house needs and preparing food so that when your husband and children come home everything is done and in order.
If you try and work while they are out and get home just before they do then you will have to do all these things in the evening and you will have little time or energy for your family. A lot of women who aspire to have careers do not consider these things.
You must make a choice. Will you fully dedicate your life and time to your family and the help-meet position God made you for or will you try and dedicate half your time to your own desires and give your family what is left?
You desire to help people is wonderful. And I think working in a Christian school or other Christian ministry in a full time capacity would be a wonderful thing for you to do. But you have to make a choice. You can help people by dedicating your life in celibacy in service to God in a Christian school or other Christian ministry giving up having children and a husband OR you can choose to help your husband and your children by caring for their needs and the needs of your home.
You must be percent dedicated to one or the other — if you try and do half and half you fail at one. The Bible tells us this about trusting our feelings: We can feel good about what he wants us to feel good about even if we did not feel good about it before. So this brings us to the next question. He created you to play a part in painting the beautiful picture of the relationship of God to his people. In this model, you play the part of the Church who submits to Christ in everything.
Your service to your husband, who represents Christ in this model, is your service to God. The only exception to this design is celibacy in service to God — but only if you are truly called to it for unselfish reasons.
Women are called to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Are the Christ and Church equal partners or is one the subordinate to the other? And God did not just flip a coin and put man in charge of woman. And the man lovingly leading, providing for, teaching and protecting his wife is a beautiful picture of God doing all these things for his people.
The honest answer is because your love for education and your career ambitions to be a librarian are more important to you than having children, yet you desire children. This is by definition a selfish ambition. When a woman desires to have children without a husband that is just as selfish as a man who desires to have sex with a woman without having to marrying her.
So Jill— you have a choice to make. If you feel you cannot fulfill the role God designed women in general to fulfill — to be subordinate helpers to men to help them paint the picture of God and his people — then you can exercise the celibacy option in service to him. But you cannot take half measures and actively seek to have children and make a family the way you want it, instead of the way God designed family to be.
It is one thing if you are vigorously as young woman pursing a husband and family and during that time you are working to support yourself. There is no sin in this. But God knows your heart. That is NOT why God created you. He created you for man, he created you marriage and the only exception to that is true dedicated celibacy in service to him.