I thought I would never date again until a year-old co-worker said this to me: She smoked heavily and swore never to date again. That was until her slightly quirky family decided to create a dating profile for her on Tinder. She met many men on Tinder. I vowed to set myself a goal to get this area of my life sorted out. I became obsessed with this whole dating game. I had no idea what a dating app was. I had never sent texts to girls that I had never met in person before.
I was terrified of the potential rejection. What did I do? I just did it anyway and you can do the same. We are all afraid to date after a major breakup because we fear that we might someday die lonely.
For the next 5 months, I became obsessed with this dating goal. I figured if I were going to reach this goal of finding someone through online dating, I would have to put in the work to shorten the time it takes. Many of my friends have been single for more than 5 years and I decided that was not going to happen to me. I went on coffee dates before work. I went on coffee dates during lunchtime.
I went on coffee dates after work. And then I made sure I was in the zone. No matter the day or time I was doing something to push my dating game further.
I bought new clothes. I bought new shoes. I bought new aftershave. Not to impress the girls, but to make sure I was feeling good before each date. I wanted to put in the maximum effort I could so that if I failed, I knew that I had given it everything I could.
The start was full of fear. The first date was horrible. It was a friend of a friend that had been crowdsourced via Facebook for me. She was into pole dancing and collecting these crystals that apparently heal you or something like that.
It was sooooo not me. I waited around until 8 pm for her. She messaged at 8 pm and said she was leaving home now and would be late. I ordered the drinks and then she paid without me getting a chance to stop her because she felt bad for being late. This was already a mini failure as letting the girl pay on the first date is usually seen as a very bad idea. At the end of the date, I stupidly asked for a second date and she said yes.
I never ended up getting the second date and thank god for that. It did hurt my ego a little. I then went on more than 50 dates with 50 different women. This might seem like freaking madness but I believe that to be successful at any goal you need to get really good at your chosen task. On the first date, I sucked big time at dating. After a few dates though, I became really good at it. I figured out quickly what I wanted which I had never done before.
The fear started to dissipate and before long I was completely comfortable. My process was a lot like managing a sales pipeline through a piece of software like Salesforce. It was methodical, intentional, unwavering and organized chaos. You can date anyone if you believe you can. You can do anything. The reason I had failed relationships in the past was that I never thought carefully about what I wanted. Because of this belief, I limited the parameters of my dating apps only to include girls who were no more than two years younger.
I secretly wanted a younger girlfriend but never thought they would go for me. I realized I was selling myself short. I started swiping on stunners. I opened the age range right up. To my own disbelief, I was stunned.
Amazing looking models wanted to go on dates with me. Girls that were near geniuses wanted to go on dates with me. Girls who were a lot younger than me were throwing themselves at me. It turns out that I was limiting my chances, not the real world. The lesson here is to be careful what you filter out. You may be filtering out exactly what you want.
My friends thought I was mad. They told me it could take 5 years. They told me I may never find someone and I needed to potentially accept this concept. I told myself this was BS. I visualized the day I would get my goal. This mindset will destroy your goal and any chance of being successful at dating. Get to work and stop allowing wet dreams to ruin your life.
One of the girls I met decided to go for someone else. I was shortlisted and lost. She asked me what she should do. Naturally, I told her to leave this horrible man as violence is never acceptable. This girl came across as desperate with every interaction I had with her. She also showed me that she would make other bad decisions and then blame the world.
All of this was due to desperation. This same girl then came back to me later after she dumped this violent man and tried to go on another date with me.
I told this girl no and moved on. Use the apps as a way to randomly sleep with as many girls as possible. Dating is not designed to boost your ego and is far better when you concentrate on your long-term happiness.
You will fail if you lie or become a whore. The problem with online dating. You never settle for any prospect that comes your way. The slightest thing that annoys you about the other person can make you think you should keep looking through more profiles.
Being this trivial is stupid. Every person you want to date has flaws including you. Having a shopping list of wants is great way to be disappointed and remain single.
How to avoid all the pitfalls of online dating and failing at any goal.