Two weeks later, I was peeing a stick and then screaming with excitement! I was knocked up! But I knew that miscarriages are very common, especially in the first trimester, and I had made a promise to myself not to tell anyone — not even my family — until I made it through those first three months.
But, I was willing to give it a try. We took one look at each other across the crowd, and I knew instantly that we would be spending more than 15 minutes together. I could tell he felt the same. He was handsome, smart, a great talker and an even better listener.
We talked for hours. We got hungry and went out for dinner at a restaurant down the street. We wanted to spend more time together, so we went for a walk through a nearby park. It was getting late, and I was getting tired — gestating is exhausting! I mentioned that I lived nearby. He asked if he could walk me home. I wanted to stop to get some Tylenol. So, even though I had originally planned to wait another six weeks before telling anyone about what has happening in my uterus, I figured now was as good a time as any to let the cat out of the bag.
And from there, we dated for four months. But, being pregnant, it was suddenly a huge deal. No second-hand smoke inhalation for me and my fetus, thank you. From the beginning, though, he promised to never smoke around me, and he kept that promise. Sometimes, he would arrive at my house having smoked in the car on the way over, and I could smell it on him.
Not sexy, and it definitely raised my hackles as a mom-to-be. It gave me a sense of what I might be like as a mother. Not because of the smoking, but just because not everything does. I felt very calm about it. We went through the whole thing knowing that my goal was to be a single parent — even if I myself was not single.
My post-break-up blues probably lasted all of a day, and then I was fine. On top of that, Jeff and I were never exclusive, and I had already been spending time someone else. Pregnancy hormones are intense! My body changed over time with both of these men, but my sense of sexual self-esteem never did. When I got pregnant, I realized that pregnant bodies are sexy!
I had never noticed before, but the major curves, the suddenly-fuller breasts, and the sensuous hormones that pregnant women exude had me all hot and bothered — and now, at the same time, I had those things, too, to share with these two men in my life. They seemed deeply into it. Being bi, I hoped to find a pregnant woman to explore this newfound desire. I wanted to touch another pregnant body.
In the meantime, I had my hands full with Jeff and David, so I counted my sexy-time blessings! There was a lot of assuming that the man I was with was a. I found myself having to figure out how to assert myself as someone who has made a choice to parent without a co-parent — and who has made a choice to date. There seems to be a stereotype out there that women who choose single motherhood are, well, single.