Your Feelings about Your Ex Taking Care of Yourself I am a newly divorced woman 2 weeks now but have had 4 years time living separately as he moved to another state after we sold our house to prevent foreclosure.
During this time, we kept the lines of communication open and behaved like a family unit 3 kids now 12, 10 and 8 every summer and winter. We were both stalling the divorce and unable to reconcile. So what advice would you give to a woman who's newly divorced? Try to come to terms with the very real fact that your nuclear family will never be the same. Once he started his affairs just last summer , these visits wreaked havoc on my emotional state.
I could not face my own fear of divorce. During this time of separation, I also renewed a lost love of mine who was divorced himself. Do not start a new relationship at all until you have healed inside. This lost love got so fed up with me that we "broke up" even though I was not legally single.
Needless to say, I suffered twice the pain. Confide in trusted friends. Most friends are supportive but keep the details to a bare minimum. Most people are so busy that I find a summary works best. That goes for family too. In my case, I am actively job-hunting and doing informational interviews because I have been a stay at home mom for a decade while he advanced his career.
If you have kids, you must go on and be the best mother to them. A great way to empower yourself is to take a short trip with just you and your kids. It may be the first time without him. Plan it and show yourself that you can still travel and do these kinds of things on your own. Most of all, know that it takes time to rebuild your life. YOU will create a path again that is right for you. Don't rush into relationships. It's hard if you're not mentally there and it's not fair on the other person.
Every person is different. It might be take two years and you're ready. It might take five or perhaps never. Spend time with family, as long as they don't drain you with negativity. Don't spend time with negative people. Enjoy your own company. Work on improving yourself. Organize trips on your own, go abroad or have a holiday on your own. Make sure you value yourself. Keep the friends that are true to you and don't judge you.
Make a life for yourself that you will like and enjoy. Know that some days are much harder than others. Know that just because someone stops loving you; you may not automatically stop loving them. It doesn't work that way. Find a way to use that love to set yourself free of them. Give them to the universe. Revenge thoughts are not good for you; put that energy into good thoughts for yourself.
God, Karma and the universe will take care of you if you allow it and the person who decided to set you free. LOL… And, the results made me feel really good after all, if you're depressed and living in chaos, it only makes the situation worse. A warm, clean, and cozy home is comforting when you feel those familiar doubts about yourself.
When you feel like anything but being social, make the effort, if only once in a while. I felt so many times like hiding away. But I started to see I actually was enjoying the "fun" with family and friends I dreaded! I would tell that angel to never ever view herself as a failure.
She has to wake up, take a deep breath and to never let anything bring her down. Single isn't a status. But it's a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. Again God uses broken things beautifully, broken clouds pour rain, broken soil sets as fields, and broken seeds give life to new plants.
So my friend, allow yourself to hope, to believe and to trust again. Don't let few bad memories stop you from having a good life. The hardest thing for me was repairing my self-esteem. I cut my hair, colored the gray he wanted me to keep, got rid of the bedroom set, threw out all the old cards and letters, gave all the photos of him to my grown children and rearranged the house and closets to suit me!
As scary as it is to be alone financially, emotionally it is freeing. I am planning a special trip, visiting with family and friends and had "sleep-overs" with my grandchildren we never had before.
The hardest thing to do is to keep focused on what YOU want, and to avoid the "if only's". I suggest writing yourself a letter saying all the things you like about yourself and your strong points.
God does not make mistakes! Looking good is empowering. Get your finances in order, and do all you can to avoid getting into debt. Don't jump into another relationship! Enjoy time with yourself and your children if you have some. Even little things like new linens or rearranging the furniture can make it feel like a new room. Don't forget to add scented oil or candles that smell just the way you like!
Travel, explore, cry, dance, shout, swear, vent, walk, read, sing, garden Go back to school, pursue another degree or credential or career, stay stimulated and stimulating. Make new friends with women who are single, independent, confident, and happy. Casually date at first, go slow, and DON'T rebound.
You are not flawed or a failure because you are single. Cry if you need to. Cry when you can't do anything else. Your body, mind and spirit is preparing for your breakthrough and renewal. Secondly learn to love yourself, every flaw, every stretch mark, lump or wrinkle.
Relive your childhood, go outside and play, swim, run ,jump live! And after it is all said and done life will be beautiful again. This too shall pass. You need to focus on yourself and this will benefit everyone around you. It's just over 2yrs since I started proceedings to end my marriage, and finally signed the separation agreement yesterday.
I will be proceeding to divorce a. Yesterday I felt emotionally and physically drained. The lyrics in that song is my theme tune to my new start. My advice is find theme tune for your new life which empowers you to move forward.
After my divorce I listened to a lot of empowering songs. Create your own soundtrack to lift your spirits on those most difficult days.
You know what you need the most If you need flowers, buy them. A walk, go for one. Go shopping, take a bath, listen to relaxing music, get a massage. Revenge is not an option. Sometimes being alone is nice, but put on some lipstick and mascara and make an effort to be out with other people.
Just think, right now, if I was listening to myself would I be thinking up excuses for a quick getaway. Pick your inner circle carefully. Write down your goals and put it somewhere you will see it everyday. When things get too emotional, exercise, do yoga, go outside, take a walk, focus on being back in this moment, take a deep breath feel the sun on your face.
Dream up new dreams. The holidays can be rough, make new traditions, anything that makes you happy and celebrates you is an option!