But, when you ask a matchmaker who has been on the front line of the dating field for fourteen years, you get a different response. Leslie Wardman is the matchmaker at Ambiance Matchmaking , which she founded over a decade ago. She talks to an innumerable amount of clients on a daily basis——whether it be evaluating their date, arranging their date, or prepping them for their date. She hears stories encompassing all adjectives in the English language: She also reveals the secret recipe for effective dating, and the most common reasons first dates fizzle.
Alas, my interview with Leslie Wardman — What should singles do on a first date? Be present in the moment, and appreciate the person you are with. Humans have a natural tendency toward negativity, while allowing positive moments to fly over their heads.
This scenario occurs in dating as well. When we sit down with our date, we start picking them apart in our heads——clothes, voice, facial expressions, mannerisms——rather than appreciating the opportunity to share time with someone new.
Find the balance between listening and sharing. Talking too much on a first date is the most common complaint I hear. However, for a first date to succeed, there exists a triad of ingredients: Pick up the bill. When I send clients out for lunch, dinner, or a drink, I inform them that checks are brought separately.
However, I urge men to pick up the tab if they enjoyed their date. It shows they are interested, and it also shows they are a gentleman. Walk your date to her car. Send a message that same night. If you had a good time, text her that night and let her know. I had a great time tonight! I lost track of the number of times women were excited because they received a message that same night. Make plans to see her again. Women like to feel pursued, and waiting too long can deflate the momentum built up from the first date.
You are trying to decipher whether your match is a good fit for your personality and lifestyle, and the only way to do that is to show your true personality and lifestyle! Make sure to give your date your full attention by making eye contact. It shows you are actively listening and engaged in the conversation. There is nothing more disrespectful than looking around the room while your date is trying to talk with you. Navigate your conversation until you find common interest. Finding common ground will put both parties at ease, and allow the conversation to flow more naturally.
Be positive when speaking of formers. Normally, I tell clients to steer clear of formers, religion, and politics on first-date talk. What should singles avoid on a first date? I had a client who went through the trouble of pre-date googling, then boasting about all of her self-informed knowledge to her date.
Not only did it knock her into stalker status, she appeared foolishly proud for bragging about something so simple as a quick Google search. Taking too long in the restroom, for example, can be a red flag that you are calling a friend to scoop out the details of your date. Save the phone call until you get home. Again, give your date your undivided attention and respect. Becoming intoxicated on a date can lead to numerous negative outcomes. You want to have a clear head to decipher your feelings, and you want to be able to remember your conversation.
Furthermore, getting sloppy on a date is never attractive. Limit one glass per hour, and drink lots of water. I had a client show up on a first date with a bouquet of flowers, before he had even met her. Being overly ostentatious can intimidate, and leave your date feeling uneasy.
Save the gift showering for down the road. First date conversation should never take a negative turn. Remember, this is your chance to connect, and connection takes place more freely when the exchange is positive, light, and open. There is nothing that shuts down a connection faster than bashing an ex-boyfriend, or talking about how frustrating your dating life has been.
There are people who expect perfection in others. Then there are people who expect others to acknowledge the perfection in themselves. Both scenarios are unrealistic. Is there a secret recipe for effective dating?
To lead a successful dating life, one in which you are constantly learning and improving and thriving, you must embody the following: Patience Learn to be patient in your dating life. Appreciation Appreciate people for who they are, including all of their wonderful imperfections. Also, learn to appreciate and improve on your own imperfections. Love Consistently practice focusing your energy on love, never on negativity.
Health Take your health more seriously, as it impacts all other areas of your life. Respect The respect you receive from yourself is proportional to the respect and admiration you receive from others.
What are the most common reasons first dates don't lead anywhere? Lack Of Chemistry One reason is that in-person chemistry is not present. Stuck In The Past Another reason is baggage. Unrealistic Expectations The final reason is unrealistic expectations.
There are people who expect relationships to be all smiles and rainbows, and run for the hills at the first sign of any discord. Finally, there are people who think a daily phone call is in order just because you held hands while watching Game of Thrones. Each expectation is unrealistic —— relationships will be rocky at times, and perhaps slow to develop —— be patient and allow love to unravel in its own terms.
Any final words of wisdom? Dates are treated as job interviews —— an exchange of time and information. However, true intimacy reveals itself through a more organic process involving the mutual sharing of thoughts, feelings, and values.
And one cannot generate that deep intimacy if one is not open to those inner thoughts, feelings, and values within oneself. A few times each month, we send out an email with the latest industry news, blog articles, and resources for smarter dating. We also notify you of events and venues in your city for planning the perfect date night.