Click to email this to a friend Opens in new window So you want to date a black girl? And, sorry to break it to you, interracial dating does not fit that standard of normal! But let us not forget that just 50 years ago interracial marriage was illegal in many states. It was only in that laws banning interracial marriage were deemed unconstitutional. Long after this ruling, interracial couples were still harassed and discriminated against.
And, yes, it still happens to interracial couples today. However, you should enter the relationship with eyes open to what problems and challenges you might face. If you are willing to deal with these hurdles, you might also find that there are many benefits to interracial dating too. Race Does Make a Difference Our society likes to promote some sort of colorblind model as a cure for racism. In its effort to show we are all equal, it has done its best to ignore the fact that we are all different.
Equality does NOT mean the same! If you are entering into an interracial dating relationship for the first time, you might be surprised at just how different your life experiences can be if you need tips finding a girlfriend , read this post.
Two people of different races, even when they grew up in the same town, can have completely different cultures. For example, it is a reality that black men in New York are a lot more likely to be stopped by the police for a random search than white men. If you are a white woman dating an Arabic man, be prepared for the security checks at the airport. As people of different races, We have different histories We may have different languages We have different accepted norms We have different dance traditions We even have different ways of doing our hair!
However, if you can embrace these differences, then your romance can flourish. You might even learn something too by stepping outside your cultural norms. This is one of the benefits of interracial dating. When you date outside your race, people will assume it is some sort of fetish thing. Now, there is a big difference between attraction and fetish. Fetish assumes that you are turned on by certain characteristics or things, such as people with a fetish for pantyhose or scat or whatever.
Yeah, there are a lot of fetishes out there! It is a bit difficult to define the difference between a fetish and attraction. How can you tell when it is a fetish and not just attraction? By comparison, attraction is often just the spark which initiates a romance.
As Ernest Baker points out at Gawker , it is based on years of white dominance in society. Whites are privileged in this society and having what they have serves as validation for a lot of people. This is a huge problem and you need to be aware of it before you enter into an interracial dating relationship with a white woman, especially if you are black. You two will have to do your best not to let the racism of other people interfere with your relationship.
You might have to adjust your relationship to avoid the discomfort and general displeasure of society. Yes, it sucks to let bigots dictate your life, but it is really, really difficult not to let racism ruin your evening.
For example, one interracial couple in Houston said they stopped going to country music concerts together. They just got tired of the stares and comments so decided to go on dates elsewhere. You remember that move Save the Last Dance? She puts the comment in the context by pointing out that there are fewer black men than white men, black men are more likely to be incarcerated, and black men are less likely to be monogamous. Once again, this is really sad as it just reinforces a society in which women are pitted against each other.
It can be downright terrifying when you two are of a different race. In this article about meeting the parents when you are in an interracial relationship, David Schiller gives some good tips, like pretending that you like all the food and refraining from mentioning race at all. Another good piece of advice is to tell your family beforehand. And remember, even if the meeting does end up being terrible, family is never a reason to stop seeing a person you love!
You will Get Stupid Questions You are in an interracial relationship? Brace yourself for the stupid questions! Some of these questions might be well intentioned, but ignorant and painful nonetheless. You are so brave! Mixed kids are so cute! A story from The Root is a good example of this. It was goofy, awkward, immature, but it came from a genuine place. People who you think are only seeing your skin might actually be seeing themselves. Hardships Help Your Love Grow Sad as it is, dealing with the racist idiots in the world might actually help you grow as a couple.
However, if the relationship is strong, then the hardships can actually make the couple grow closer together. Couples in an interracial relationship face hurdles right from the get-go. If they can overcome these hurdles, they will be much more equipped for dealing with whatever life throws at them. Or, you or your partner lack self-confidence — which is absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship read confidence tips in our dating manual!
Again, it is pretty sad, but those racist idiots might actually help your love flourish. Recent statistics show that interracial married couples have a higher rate of divorce: Note that interracial couples which involved white men with non-white females showed no or little difference in divorce rates. The study researchers point out that other factors aside from race might be at work — including the lack of support from family and friends that interracial couples often experience.
This just goes to show how important it is for people entering into interracial dating relationships to be aware of the hardships they might face. In the End, Love Has Nothing to Do with Race While it is important to be aware of the hardships you might face when dating interracially, ultimately it all comes down to the couple.