All the peces in the sea: From the far reaches of Kendall to our turquoise-watered beaches, Miamians lament the dearth of quality partners, spouting the usual complaints: Guys are all club promoters who do coke in the middle of dates and head home in their leased BMWs to the rooms they share with abuelita in Doral. This is an incomplete story about the Miami dating scene, at best.
I am one of those normal single people. Are the people here actually no good? And if this is the case, why do we date at all? I re-downloaded Tinder, joined Bumble, and talked to a local dating coach. I swiped, swiped, and swiped. I read everything I could about relationships, from serious books to Internet think pieces to anachronistic dating manuals. And I recruited 15 young professionals to share their battle stories from the trenches with me. My findings are by no means the result of a scientifically sound study, but I hope it starts a discussion on what dating here is like for the youngish, college-educated professional set, and not — bless their hearts — the club promoters and Instagram models of this town.
Are we fishing in a small pond? The biggest complaint out there is about the size of our dating pool. For some people, friends and professional networks are quite enmeshed, and dating within them can result in frequent, awkward run-ins with exes. But Miami is no small town — Miami-Dade County has 2. According to the last census , Miami-Dade County has slightly more women than men, although some sources claim Miami actually has more single hetero men than women 1.
Yay for the ladies? The college-educated mostly date other college-educated people. Scholars often look at animal behavior to understand how sex ratios impact human behavior.
When females are made more present, though, male desertion rates more than double, from 22 percent to 51 percent. Having more female fish in the sea makes the male fish less likely to commit because they have so many choices.
So, yay for the guys? People are more complex than cichlids, which I presume are not looking for a mate that can fulfill their emotional urges as well. That makes it harder for guys who want to forge a real connection. Perhaps the paradox of choice is at play here, and our friend finds it hard to settle on one choice when he sees so many potential matches out there. Regardless of the size of the pool, it really seems like your attitude does matter a lot on how you fare.
One woman who was widowed at 27 and is back at the dating game three years later was the most positive person I encountered. That seems to be working for her.
They say some men equate a girl accepting a drink or going out on a date with consent for sex. So why date at all? Settling down, finding a life partner, seems like something everyone wants… but just not yet. So we whip out our phones and swipe half-heartedly while we wait for that magical perfect partner to mysteriously show up in person.
We date for a variety of reasons in Miami. We prefer to meet our matches in person, but most of us are not scared of using apps, even if they cause us stress with all the choice they provide.
If the college-educated date only other college-educated people, it does appear that Miami women are at a statistical disadvantage. My 15 test subjects are all decent, hardworking folks who seem to treat people mostly with respect, proving that there are at least 15 good, eligible people in Miami.
I suspect there are a lot more. To get statistical again, Miami is adding jobs in the professional, financial, and business sectors at higher margins than the rest of the country, prompting an influx of new young professionals. This means your dating pool is growing. I wish you the best of luck in your dating adventures. Stay strong, stay optimistic, and keep swiping. Want another chance get lucky in love?
In her spare time, she listens to lots of podcasts and ponders on the human condition. You can follow her on Twitter at marianacrego. Share this story Live like you live here Sign up for our daily newsletter to get The New Tropic in your inbox every morning. Check out our previous newsletters.