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Dating someone with financial problems

Dating someone with financial problems

After my fifteen year marriage ended in divorce a year ago, I've been on a few dates with J. He's new to the area and is setting up a professional office. But he seems to have some financial complications and gets irritated whenever money comes into the picture. Even paying for dinner can be stressful. I'm financially secure and worry about getting involved in a difficult situation.

How should I proceed? Here's the most useful rule you can apply to your situation, one especially necessary when dating a new person: Which means that everything your new date or friend says or doesn't say, does or doesn't do, has a meaning that points to something in the person's character, personality and -especially - their history.

Your job is to figure out the meaning of each and determine how important it is to you. I'm not saying you need to observe and interpret so that you can criticize or judge. Just that you need to learn the facts and decide how you want to proceed. You especially need to know if the issue is a deal-breaker or a relatively minor habit that J. This situation is surprisingly common when two more mature people begin a new relationship. There's often an inequality of income and this can be a source of stress.

The central question is how much stress it may produce. There are two basic issues involved in your situation. The first is J's apparent unwillingness to talk openly about his financial situation. We are all sensitive about money because it's connected to our sense of accomplishment.

Men are even more sensitive because accomplishment and a sense of masculinity are exquisitely interwoven. So one of the questions you'll want to explore is whether his reluctance to confide concerning his finances is whether that has to do exclusively with money, or whether he's got larger issues involving his masculine self-image overall.

The other issue is about J is capable of being forthright and candid. When he's exhibiting signs of stress around a dinner check yet refuses to talk about them, he's not being candid with you about what's going on with him.

Naturally you're not expecting him to give you a complete financial statement revealing his income and possible indebtedness at this early stage of the relationship - but you certainly are right to be concerned about his financial viability. I suggest you wait for a few weeks and see how things are going between you. If you find that you and J. This encounter would require a lot of skill on your part, but I can assure you that everyone wants the same thing: Men, above all, are terrified of being humiliated.

That makes him very vulnerable, and men instinctively avoid being vulnerable. However, you cannot allow an unspoken issue as important as finances remain under the table for too long without openly exploring the details. To repeat, your goal is to learn the facts and develop understanding , and then decide whether you can tolerate the situation with acceptance.

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Why do women run when men have financial problems?



Dating someone with financial problems

After my fifteen year marriage ended in divorce a year ago, I've been on a few dates with J. He's new to the area and is setting up a professional office. But he seems to have some financial complications and gets irritated whenever money comes into the picture. Even paying for dinner can be stressful. I'm financially secure and worry about getting involved in a difficult situation.

How should I proceed? Here's the most useful rule you can apply to your situation, one especially necessary when dating a new person: Which means that everything your new date or friend says or doesn't say, does or doesn't do, has a meaning that points to something in the person's character, personality and -especially - their history.

Your job is to figure out the meaning of each and determine how important it is to you. I'm not saying you need to observe and interpret so that you can criticize or judge.

Just that you need to learn the facts and decide how you want to proceed. You especially need to know if the issue is a deal-breaker or a relatively minor habit that J. This situation is surprisingly common when two more mature people begin a new relationship. There's often an inequality of income and this can be a source of stress.

The central question is how much stress it may produce. There are two basic issues involved in your situation. The first is J's apparent unwillingness to talk openly about his financial situation. We are all sensitive about money because it's connected to our sense of accomplishment. Men are even more sensitive because accomplishment and a sense of masculinity are exquisitely interwoven. So one of the questions you'll want to explore is whether his reluctance to confide concerning his finances is whether that has to do exclusively with money, or whether he's got larger issues involving his masculine self-image overall.

The other issue is about J is capable of being forthright and candid. When he's exhibiting signs of stress around a dinner check yet refuses to talk about them, he's not being candid with you about what's going on with him. Naturally you're not expecting him to give you a complete financial statement revealing his income and possible indebtedness at this early stage of the relationship - but you certainly are right to be concerned about his financial viability.

I suggest you wait for a few weeks and see how things are going between you. If you find that you and J. This encounter would require a lot of skill on your part, but I can assure you that everyone wants the same thing: Men, above all, are terrified of being humiliated. That makes him very vulnerable, and men instinctively avoid being vulnerable.

However, you cannot allow an unspoken issue as important as finances remain under the table for too long without openly exploring the details. To repeat, your goal is to learn the facts and develop understanding , and then decide whether you can tolerate the situation with acceptance.

Dating someone with financial problems

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3 Comments

  1. It made me feel sad to have that initial reaction, but when that kind of financial trust is broken, it can be hard to bounce back and recover from it.

  2. How do I deal with this without making him feel as though I think less of him? We affirm our independence as women; but we appreciate when the man pays. Granted, some men will provide a blue-collar living and others a more professional salary.

  3. If you knew that they were lying in order to keep up their irresponsible behavior, you should know just to walk. For example, just the other day I came across this Reddit thread where one guy reached out to the Reddit community for support.

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