Most people have no problems agreeing with this statement. Apply the same logic to the bedroom, however, and they become quite indignant. Sex should all come naturally. Does sticky date pudding with caramel sauce taste awful because we had to order it? Lots of people expect their partners to be sexual mind-readers. Never wanting to try new things Monogamy is hard. Making love to the same person, over and over again, without getting bored is difficult.
Our bodies become desensitized when we have sex with the same person, repeatedly, over a long period of time. Your only hope of remaining stimulated and interested long term is to make sure what you do together is fresh and original. Tracey says that failing to get an erection from time to time is perfectly normal and the more relaxed you are about them the less anxious he will be Over-reacting to erection problems Men are humans, not machines: Long-term problems start if either of you make too much of a fuss about it.
The more you know about your own sexual response system, the better able you are to let your partner in on the secret. What are some easy ways to boost your sex life?
Record your favourite fantasies and use the tapes as part of your sex warm-up. Have it playing as you enjoy a glass of wine together or put it on in the car on your way back from dinner with friends. Make a list of your current favourite sex things position, toy, fantasy and stick them inside a cupboard in the bedroom. Both do it and constantly update for variety.
Want to try something new? Put some thought into your sex life. Have it before you get too tired — in the morning or before you go out rather than after. Or turn yourself on mentally and have a lazy session. Be prepared to experiment. What was a turn off with your last partner, might be a real turn on with this one. A good balance to aim for each ten sex sessions is that two will be great, four will be good, two will be so-so and two mundane or disastrous.
Sexting other people, interacting with people sexually via a web cam etc are a totally different matter — so is porn addiction or watching really dodgy porn. Apart from that though, all of the above are simply a way of introducing variety to sex without physically cheating on a partner.
A recent, reputable survey found eighty percent of people in a committed, happy relationship admitted to thinking about other people now and then, while having sex with their partner. Desire needs a nudge in long-term relationships. Simmering is an American technique which therapists often find quite successful. Every time you have an erotic thought during the day, write it down then use it as a jumping-off point.