Girlfriend still on OKCupid June 14, 1: I deleted my profile Everything else in our relationship is going great. I guess I really don't expect her to delete it. She's changed her status on OKCupid to 'seeing someone' and is now only looking for 'new friends'. Still, something about it makes me uncomfortable - it is a dating site, after all. I've tried to bring it up once or twice, with her reassuring me that she's only ever replied to two or three guys on the site, and I shouldn't be worried.
But I am worried! Occasionally I peek at her profile discreetly. It seems like she logs on every few days, and her page says "Replies Often". From what I hear, attractive girls get messages a lot, so this doesn't seem to jibe with the "hardly ever replying" thing. I'm trying not to go crazy-jealous-boyfriend here I trust her and want to believe her.
Maybe she's telling the truth and OKCupid's "how often user X replies" indicator is broken? I know most of the answers to this will be 'talk to her about it', but I've tried!
Why not just let things slide. If you really do become a partnership, she will inevitably close the profile. Just be a better boyfriend. That doesn't mean everything's fine, but at this point there's zero evidence of anything or any reason to suspect her. Stop "occasionally peeking at her profile", discretely or not. Stop that right now. There is nothing but misery in that direction. If it's anything less than 6 months, you are over reacting. After all, she may not be comfortable that this is long term, yet, while still having zero interest in cheating on you.
You may be completely right, but you also may be completely paranoid; there isn't enough information to decide. Nor to determine the correct action. So there's no problem. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months. We didn't meet on OKCupid, but I'm still on there, marked as "seeing someone" and looking for "new friends.
I didn't meet my boyfriend on OKCupid but I knew he had a profile. I had one too but basically never really did anything with it [emailed a few people, found a few of my friends on it and said hi] and when we started dating I changed the profile to "seeing someone" [I think? OKC mails me stuff every once in a while which I pretty much ignore.
That said, if I thought for a second this made my boyfriend uncomfortable, I'd delete it immediately. The only reason I haven't is laziness and just liking having some sort of profile in case local folks wanted someone to have a burrito with my bf is not local.
That said, we're not "officially" hooked up on facebook, or even on MeFi actually. If I were you, I'd mention it to her in as unjealous a way as possible that it made you feel a little weird and see what she says and follow her lead.
And it was pay sight at least for him. I finally did say something gently, that it made me feel weird. I don't know when he finally pulled it. I think you are over reacting a little early in the game. Quit checking her profile. Neither applies here, so you're in jealous boyfriend territory. This is a really, really useful point to remember when it comes to jealousy issues in general. If the man she simply must be with for the rest of her life walks into her office, or into the dry cleaners, or whatever, no aspect of your dating contract, spoken or unspoken, is going to stop her falling for him.
And if you think about it, that's probably a good thing. Meanwhile, if you're spending a majority of weekend evenings with her, you really don't need to worry about who's at the emotional epicentre of her life at the moment. Yes, you can search for relationships, but there is more to it than that. You don't seem to realize or appreciate that, while your girlfriend does. There are journals, blogs and forums which, if you think about it, doesn't make it a whole lot different from metafilter.
You've talked to her, and she's said her piece and if you don't believe that then maybe things aren't going as great as you think. We all have different places on the web that we call home, and maybe she has friends there who are more trusting than the ones she has IRL. But there's only so much time in the week for going on dates. It is a social networking site. In a lot of ways, it's like a Facebook for "friends" Facebook-style you have not yet made. I, for one, made a few good friends real-world style off the site.
If she says don't worry about it, don't worry about it. Besides, either it will work out, or it won't. Appreciation of the here and now is a more fun use of your time than worrying, anyway. I would let it go and stop checking her profile. Even if I wasn't doing anything wrong which as far as I can tell your girl is totally on the up and up , I would be bothered by someone monitoring my online activity. I get a smallish but steady stream of emails on OKC.
I haven't replied to any in an embarrassingly long time. I have a little green light- Replies Often- by my name. Not yellow, not the red I deserve, green. But also, yeah, there's a lot of platonic interaction going on at that site as well. As long as she's "Seeing Someone", I don't think you have cause to worry.
It's more of a social networking site than a dating site in the vein of match. Plus I do the quizzes and shit when I get bored, it's an easy way to waste 10 minutes. If you put your status as "seeing someone" you don't show up in the search results or other things for people looking for dates.
Wonder how she might feel if she knew that much, without knowing more. Funny, when my last gf started telling me in week 3 that she was no good at long term, that she breaks up after 4 months, I gave her that exact speech, but using movie stars for examples. We stayed together for 4 years, a world-record for her.
She always brought up "the speech. If worse comes to worse, tell her your only human and ask her to take it off. If you trust her, drop it. If you don't, break up with her. Don't be that guy who punishes her for your insecurities. I am a woman and I have done what you're doing when I started seeing someone on various online dating sites over the years.
Eventually, either the relationship will end or keep going and get stronger. Let this go; it's just bad for your head.
And fortheloveofgod, if you have to keep checking her profile, turn off the option for members to see that you have visited their profiles in your settings. Good luck and I hope things work out for you. Maybe some of them are nice people saying "hey, are you still in a relationship?
If you ever figure out how not to think this way, please let me know. It's very tiring, and it makes the things you don't want to happen happen. Seems like she likes you dude. Honestly, having someone put "seeing someone" seems like a slightly big deal. Or that maybe some of the messages she is replying to are friendship ones and not dating ones? Or it could be the same situation as with notquitemaryann and she hasn't been replying to any since you started dating.
If you've told her that it makes you uncomfortable and she still refuses to give it up, that's a warning flag. Weeds are easier to grow, and harder to kill. Anyway, as others have said, quit surreptitiously looking at her profile. There is absolutely nothing good that can come from that.
It will lead to speculation and assumptions on your part. If this is really eating at you, then bring it up with her. Just be careful in the way that you phrase it. Do not say "you are making me uncomfortable with your presence on OK Cupid," rather tell her that you feel uncomfortable with the profile and that you would like to discuss it with her. Your basically saying the same thing, only one is accusatory and the other is talking about your feelings.
If you think otherwise then yeah, crazy jealous boyfriend.