In books and TV and movies, first kisses are presented as glorious things. The characters always seem to know the exact right time to kiss their date. The protagonist leans in, their date leans in — their lips meet.
And it always seems to be happening in some picturesque setting — maybe in a rustic garden, with a light snowfall and swelling piano chords in the background. Alas, reality is much more awkward and inorganic. There's no way to know for sure when someone wants to be kissed, so it's best to ask. That being said, asking can be scary and uncomfortable, even under the best of circumstances!
There's no precise formula, but here are some ways to make the process as smooth as possible, and to ensure that she texts all her girlfriends the next day about how great that first kiss was. Timing, Timing, Timing The golden rule is to ask for a kiss when she's as relaxed as possible. That classic opportunity — the end of a date, whether is the first date or a later one — is ideal.
You've gotten to know each other, you've walked her home, and suddenly, there's a long silence. She probably won't be surprised if you ask right now. In fact, she might be expecting it! There's no need for fine speeches, unless you're Lord Byron. Say something simple and sweet, such as: Can I kiss you goodbye?
Maybe she's about to catch a cab. But it's still a good idea to wait until you're outside the restaurant or bar. Public make-out sessions are a bit like cilantro — not everybody likes them! You may not be embarrassed by kissing in crowded places, but plenty of people are.
Usher her out where it's quieter, take her hand, and only ask when you're sure that no teenagers are gawking at the two of you. Test The Waters First Let's say you want to go for the kiss mid-date, because you think the date is going great and she's really into you.
Maybe she's flirting with you enthusiastically, or touching your arm and flipping her hair. These are all good signs.
But it's still best and the least scary approach for you to test the waters. Instead of phrasing it as a question right away, you could say something like: I keep thinking about kissing you. The key thing to remember is that women tend not to communicate as directly as men: This oblique statement allows her to respond however she chooses. If she laughs it off, or changes the subject, you probably shouldn't ask to kiss her.
If she seems to show interest, or replies with "Oh, really? Well, maybe you should! There's nothing worse than that moment when you're alone in your car, and you lunge awkwardly at your date while asking. Also, is it really a question if you don't give them time to respond? Ambushes are never romantic. Remember what you learned from all those movies and TV and books: The longer the wait before the kiss, the longer the sexual tension builds.
This means that no matter what, you should stay in your chair until she gives you the green light. Give her a moment to take it in and respond to it before you move. The kiss will be all the better for it. But what do you do if she says "No," or shakes her head, or gently deflects the conversation?
Remember, it's painful and embarrassing to decline when someone asks you for a kiss. If she tells you no or signals you that she's not into it, drop it immediately. Don't act surprised "Really? But we had such a good date! It is, isn't it? Walk it off immediately. Smile and say "OK! You want to come off like a mature, relaxed guy who doesn't think a kiss is a big deal — not a baby who's been told "No" for the first time.
Don't do that , so you don't have to worry about it! But if it does arise, handle it with grace and aplomb. The date will end soon enough, and then you'll never have to see this person again. What a beautiful thought. Finally — don't beat yourself up for being nervous! That's part of the charm of a first kiss vs. Have fun — and don't forget to bring your breath mints.