Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra- confidence lies a fragile self-esteem , vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Here are ten telltale signs, with excerpts from my book click on title: While most of us are guilty of some of the following behaviors at one time or another, a pathological narcissist tends to dwell habitually in several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of or unconcerned with how her or his actions affect others.
Loves to Talk About Oneself One of the easiest ways to detect a possible narcissist is by listening to the way he or she speaks. A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself, often in exaggerated and grandiose terms. Like a master salesperson, they use charisma to get your attention, flattery to make you feel special, seduction flirting , gifts, dinners, get-aways, sex , etc. He or she is not really interested in you, but only what he wants to extract from you often to fulfill an inner emptiness due to the inability to create true intimacy.
Lack of Reliability and Follow Through Another way to spot a narcissist is to measure her or his actions against her words. Many narcissists lack reliability and follow through. This can range from regularly breaking appointments, to habitually falling through on promises and agreements.
The lack of dependability can be emotional as well - being there for you one minute and gone the next. When you observe a pattern of inconsistency between what your partner says, versus what she or he actually does, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
Instant Gratification Some narcissists, being highly self-centered and self-absorbed, expect instant gratification to fulfill their needs. Rule Breaker and Boundary Violator The narcissist often enjoys getting away with violating rules and social norms, such as cutting in line, chronic under-tipping, stealing office supplies, breaking multiple appointments, or disobeying traffic laws. They overstep and use others without consideration or sensitivity, taking pride, rather than showing remorse, of their Machiavellian deeds.
Entitlement Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect people to cater to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their mindset, the world revolves around them. For instance, pay attention to how your date treats service people, such as a waitress or waiter, and other support staff. At some point your date may begin to exercise similar entitlement towards you.
Using Others to Extend Oneself Some narcissists will use his or her romantic partner to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized ambitions, or cover up self-perceived inadequacies and flaws. I also get to use her car. Constantly Puts Others Down In order to put up a facade of superiority, and disguise hidden insecurity and inadequacy, some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability.
During the initial phase of dating, the narcissist may pour on the charm and entice you with many compliments. Some of the common responses include: Passive-Aggression — The cold shoulder. Withhold of love and affection such as it is. Emotional Coercion — Blame. Calling the partner ungrateful. Threaten to withhold love and intimacy such as it is. Lack of Commitment to a Serious Relationship If you and your partner have been dating for a good length of time, and your partner is unwilling to make a serious commitment, it may be cause for concern.
Some are highly reasonable and deserve serious consideration. Others, however, may be highly selfish. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, there are many strategies and skills you can utilize to help restore health , balance, and respect. In my book click on title: