The presence of even three of these symptoms indicates a potentially harmful relationship. Anything above this number points to not just probable, but certain harm. The Loser will Hurt you on Purpose.
He began with criticism, went on to name-calling and moved on to physical violence and probably murder. Quick Attachment and Expression. Psychopaths generally pour on the romance. They deluge their targets with flattery, promises and gifts at the beginning of the relationship. No matter how promiscuous they actually are, they focus their energies on their most desirable targets.
Yet, Carver cautions, this seemingly positive sign is, in fact, also negative. It signals shallowness of emotions rather than strength of love. As easily as he attached to them initially, he later detached from them to pursue his next conquest s. Sooner or later the Loser reveals his hot temper. Carver states that Losers often begin with indirect violence—such as demonstratively hitting the wall with their fist or throwing objects—before they start pushing, punching or hitting their partners.
The physical outbursts towards inanimate objects function as a form of intimidation. Such outbursts also train the partners to become gradually habituated to acts of violence. Losers generally prefer flings and short-term affairs, which provide constant new thrills. They also engage in long-term relationships, however, to gain more lasting control over certain more promising targets.
This is why psychopaths eventually move from the initial over-the-top flattery to scathing criticism. Once they have secured their chosen partners in their grasp, they put them down to erode their self-esteem. His assertion that he pampered Stacy by indulging her obsession with plastic surgery rings false. Cutting Off Your Support. In the wild, predators isolate their prey from the rest of the herd to better attack and devour it. Losers isolate their partners from their friends, colleagues and families.
They may do so through overt criticism and by following them around when they meet with others, as Drew did to Stacy.
Sometimes they opt for more subtle manipulation, such as by covertly turning the victim against her own family and friends and vice versa. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you.
The Mean and Sweet Cycle. As we recall, Drew Peterson bought his wife a motorcycle and expensive jewelry even during the period of time when he was criticizing her, throwing her up against the wall, isolating her from her loved ones, accusing her of infidelity and calling her pejorative names. Which is why, as Dr. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean.
You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. The psychopath invariably cycles back to his real, nasty self. Over time, the meanness cycle escalates in severity and increases in duration. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow The Loser to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence.
They deny obvious facts and accuse their victims of wrongdoing. Their spurious logic goes something like this: According to him, they lied about being hit by him.
They also lied about his verbal abuse. He never hit them, even if Kathy had to go to the emergency room to recover from his blows. Psychopaths need to maintain control of everything in their lives, especially their romantic relationships. When they get bored with one partner or find a replacement, they can leave her on the spur of the moment, heartlessly, often without even bothering to offer an explanation. But they get very angry when the tables are turned and their partners leave them.
Yet when they wanted to leave him to escape the misery and abuse, he resorted to violence, threats, bribes and, when none of these strategies worked, probably murder. They also narrow the range of their interests and activities, leading their partners to focus exclusively on them.
Drew Peterson discouraged Stacy from working outside the home. He gave her money and gifts, not out of any real generosity but to keep her financially and emotionally dependent on him. He also followed his wife around everywhere.
He wanted to monitor if she was seeing other men. But his stalking made her feel on edge about any kind of activity or pursuit that was external to their relationship. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.