Tony Great question, Tony! The key — and the best way to start a conversation — is to ask a question. Girls love when you ask us questions. But it can also be more complicated than that. Online dating is a little like gaming. Writing a message and getting a girl to reply is the final battle with the boss. But you also have one big advantage. We want you to win the battle. Focus on quality, not quantity. Unfortunately, many guys try to message a bunch of girls, instead of just the ones who are the best matches.
Girls see through this. We get so many of those lazy mass-messages that we just ignore them. Look for girls with common interests, shared beliefs, and similar goals. Those girls are much more likely to respond to you because you are a good fit.
And a girl like that will appreciate that you took the time to read her profile, notice what you have in common, and ask her questions about those things, creating a solid connection.
Compliment common interests and personality — not looks. Girls are tired of getting messages from guys who compliment our looks, but have nothing to say about the rest of our profiles. Those messages are shallow and meaningless — the online equivalent of getting dry-humped by douche bags in a club. Like this first message example: This is a great message for three reasons: This is excellent because Miles: I never reply to these messages because they bug the shit out of me.
A great first message jumps past pointless questions and right into specific questions. You could easily lead by asking her the question: To achieve this, you have to ask her questions. The questions are the gas. As a rule of thumb, ask one or two questions.
Some guys make the mistake of firing off a long list of questions about a whole range of topics. This is overwhelming to girls. This guy does a nice job asking an easy question based on stuff we both like: This is simple and effective. It works because Scott picked something from my profile that he was truly curious about, explained why he was curious, and therefore established a common interest in cooking. Your first message should make a simple introduction, express your interest in her profile, ask one or two long-game questions about things you share in common, and then simply sign-off with your name.
A couple lines, or a paragraph or two is great. When guys write a lot more, they come on too strong. Leave us wanting more. With your first message, your goal is to make us want to continue talking to you. Re-read what you wrote. Look for spelling and grammatical errors these are deal-breakers to some girls.