I am a cool, down-to-earth twenty-seven-year-old with double D breasts, and an attitude that could bring anyone out of the dark and into the light. As a restaurant manager I work with a variety of people, men, women, gays, ballerinas, students, drug dealers, foreigners and more often than not people who are working beneath their pay grade. We all get each other and the camaraderie amongst us is honest.
We may work at the same restaurant but we are all extremely different and each have varying needs. What we do have in common is our shared lack of true love and relationship status.
Out of the fifteen relatively attractive group of servers I work with, five of them are in committed relationships; that is one-third of our employees. How is it that we live in such a time that ghosting is one, a word, and two, something that is done so casually. Whether that is by a complete stop in communication, defriending, unmatching, blocking, however they see fit, communication ceases to exist as if their found interest never happened. The last six weeks of my life have been consumed over lust.
I would close my restaurant on any given night and walk the thirty steps next door to where my, lose term, friend inhabited. Each time was basically the same, he would greet me at the door, maybe hug, go upstairs to his beautiful condo, pack a bowl or two, watch an episode of Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm, maybe catch up on some John Oliver, or play some music, he had great taste in music, and discuss life. It always felt like a mini date, curating topics on how we felt that day, what issues we wanted to delve into, personal or social.
It was a gradual reveal of our deepest secrets or emotions. We were real with each other, it was refreshing. Once our lips ran dry of the daily emotions, or we knocked knees or stroked the right shoulder it was a sign to move on to the fun stuff, sex. Our positions were always changing, it was exciting to say the least. We were good with each other, our rapport was honest, even in bed, and we knew how to give each other exactly what the other wanted.
It was wonderful, a breath of fresh air. Everything was working out wonderfully until I asked him out on a date, super casual, he loves music and I love Spanish guitar so I invited him to watch a little flamenco. As our days turned into weeks, I recognized his inability or more like desire to do anything social with me. Our conversation grew in the confines of his condo, but when I brought up the idea of leaving, it turned into excuses and a warrant of unnecessary anxiety.
How can we have such great sex and conversation and not leave his condo? It made no sense. Who the fuck wants to have an overwhelming amount of one-night stands? I was already giving him exactly what he needed, a limited amount of companionship and a lot of sex. Was he being selfish, was I? Was it a rebound, possibly, but even if it was, why was he incapable of giving me any type of chance?
As any story goes in the era of ghosting, snapchat, texting, and dating apps, it all leads to one thing; he messaged my friend on Tinder. Not only my friend, but a coworker who he probably recognized from my restaurant. Well then he goes and ruins it all by messaging her.
To make our complicated relationship less complicated I decided to go against all of my sexual needs and desires, my lust and my crush, my time spent and my heart hurting, and to go against all that I have been taught by my millennial confidants, I told him the truth.
Why does the seemingly uncomplicated beginnings always have to turn into complicated? This story is not only about opportunity and progression of what the heart yearns for, but this is also a story about knowing your limits and being strong enough to stop while your ahead and to value your emotions and needs.
I could have continued sneaking into his apartment building late at night and honestly enjoying our time together, but for what? We are better than that, and I motion to move past the confines of the millennial expectations and be honest with ourselves and our needs; as I say preach.
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