Because all signs point to tell your roommate to save him from excruciating embarrassment. Just tell him matter of factly: I know you like Shanna or whatever her name is , so I just want to make sure you know that she and I are dating. Just tell him you and she have been dating for a while, and unfortunately it started right as he and her started speaking again. If you'd known he was really into her, you wouldn't have stepped on his toes like that but you didn't.
And tell him you're trying your best to make her happy and that she seems so - this is what he should ultimately want for her. The best thing to do is to definitely tell him and do it as soon as you feel you can.
Since it's too late for that why not just fix it in one stroke? That's because you're making it drama-filled and ridiculous. The antidote is honesty. But you are creating the drama by 'semi-secretly' dating someone. Is there a reason why your relationship has to be on the down-low at all?
If you hadn't kept this from him from the start, you wouldn't have got into this situation. At any rate, two weeks isn't that long, either on your part or on his; if you come clean now, you can keep the damage done within some kind of limit.
Try to avoid overdramatising the situation; he's only been interested in her for a couple of weeks. That may be the closest you can come to diplomatic, but things will probably be kinda tense anyway. Brother is gonna be saaaaaaad. Yeah I didn't meant to be so terse, but there it is. When I was a kid I never understood what people meant when they said that communication is they key to a good relationship.
As I got older I realized that most crapness in relationships and by this I mean all relationships not just the sexual kind is caused by bad communication. I mean it's also caused by people being dicks, but that aside, if you actually talk about things life gets so much easier and less full of drama bullshit. Not a huge revelation, but then I am a guy So yeah, tell him. If so, there may be a heck of a lot more going on than you may know. Be sure to talk to her about your house-mate's interest and how she feels about it before proceeding.
Tell him you don't want to step on his toes, but that you've been spending time with the girl and you think she likes you and you like her and you just wanted to make sure it was OK with dude if you moved forward with seeing her. Either he says yeah go ahead and acts like an adult or he freaks out about it in which case fuck him he's a selfish prick. Then break it to him slowly by bringing her around without rubbing his face in it.
Definitely tell her exactly what you're doing so she doesn't give it away somehow when he invariably comes to her with some whiny comment like "So youre going to start boning my roommate huh?
Well, keep it in the family. If you have trouble confronting this think of how terrible it would be it he stumbled on the two of you making out in a club and threw a pitcher of natty light at you.
Or did Roommate tell you that Secret Girlfriend rejected him? In the latter case, I'm not sure why he'd be continuing to go after her if she really made it that clear and he understood her meaning enough to be able to reiterate it to you. So, if it's Secret Girlfriend insisting to you that she was straightforward with Roommate, maybe that's not true, and there might be something more going on between them.
I'm also fuzzy on your timeline. When you and Secret Girlfriend met under these extraordinary circumstances that are not relevant but you brought it up here anyway , did you know that she and Roommate knew each other? At what point did you find out that Roommate was romantically interested in Secret Girlfriend: Would have been a good opportunity for you to have said something, although not many people would have the courage. You can still say "Hey, I completely should have said something before but I was so surprised, etc.
We've known each other for years and he's tried to be more than friends but I've always said no. You have some time to formulate what to say to Roommate, something like "OMG, I've been seeing this girl, her name is Secret Girlfriend, and we just realized that we both know you, etc. You find out upon meeting that Roommate and Secret Girlfriend know each other, or Roommate tells you about Secret Girlfriend coming back into his life and how into her he is.
You are into Secret Girlfriend, too, but you don't know where the relationship's going yet so you don't say anything to Roommate. Nor do you put the brakes even temporarily on things when a couple of days later, you and Secret Girlfriend wind up hooking up, knowing that Roommate is into her.
Now you have to tell Roommate after the dastardly fact. I'd say don't ask your roommate if it's OK to move forward with the girl unless you're actually willing to stop seeing her for him. Doing otherwise would be dishonest and set you up for being the ass.
Especially when he finds out that you were actually seeing her already and that you didn't just disregard his answer, but asked in bad faith. He'll almost certainly respect you more afterward if he hears it from you, and soon. Things could get really tense, and if you brought her around and had sex with her in the apartment that's kind of rubbing it in your roommate's face. She's the one with the previous relationship.
Well, I told the roommate, alright. Actually, we both told him together one evening. After consuming a bottle of red wine. As you can imagine, it did not quite come across as intended. He had a melodramatic streak and stomped out of the house.
I ended up spending most nights at her place so as not to antagonize him any further and to get away from his evil-eye glares. In retrospect, that really accelerated my relationship with the girl. It was weeks later before I finally made up with the roommate and put it past us. I think what I'm getting at is that you should tell him -- very gently and while sober. I don't agree with this at all, unless maybe you're in a dorm and your beds are 3 feet from each other.
Tell him as stated above, I like rokusan's rip it off quick like a band-aid statement , and if he doesn't like it, not your problem. He is your roommate, not your friend. Not saying you can't be friends with your roommate, but I don't think the friend rule when it comes to this stuff applies here. I'm not saying it won't be awkward, but you really don't need to be sneaking around. The longer you wait, the worse you'll feel, and the suckier his reaction will be.
If he hasn't told you about it and she's telling you about it, say nothing. If he's bringing it up, then tell him that you've been seeing her and you don't want him to get hurt. The-guy-I-was-sleeping-with was too chicken to tell other-guy that we were seeing each other, so the other-guy ended up professing his love for me, and I had to be the one to tell him about me and guy-I-was-sleeping-with right then when he was already vulnerable from telling me his feelings.
The other-guy stopped being friends with both of us for a good 7 months, until he met a new girl he totally fell in love with. Those 7 months SUCKED, and it probably wouldn't have been that long if we were honest with him from the beginning when I totally knew that he liked me. Oh, and other-guy is still very happy with the new girl 3. He'll be OK with it eventually. It feels like there's some information missing, I don't know why this should be a drama.
Oh man, I have such a big crush on Secret Girlfriend. That's my lady and I'll thank you not to make the googly-eyes at her. I didn't know you were dating. That's OK, just don't let it happen again. The OP says she has told him this. Which, I think, alleviates some of the guilt the OP should be feeling -- the roommate asked the girl already. She told him "no. I think Greg Nog's idea of why you delayed telling him was a good one, saying that you wanted to wait until you knew whether it would be a "thing" or not.
I think that's a wise policy anyway, in general, whether you intended it or not I mean, consider if you'd told him right away but then you and she decided to drop it after a week, and then it would have all been for naught. I agree that you should tell him, but I think the fact that she already told the roommate no absolves y'all here. He's not going to be happy or comfortable, but that will probably pass. He already felt unhappy when she told him no. The obvious answer is to tell him, but there must be some reason you haven't.
Does an Information technology taxonomy exist?