Im dating my mom. IT HAPPENED TO ME: I'm Online Dating With My Mother (And She's Better At It Than Me).



Im dating my mom

Im dating my mom

I've had a tough week. Actually, things with my mom have been good since we had a fight last week. I insisted on three things: To her considerable credit, I think she has taken this in. Her behavior has been more respectful and reasonable this week.

I haven't been feeling like I am at fault for something I couldn't have avoided. BTW, my mom is actually a dry alcoholic. She's been dry since I was The consequence that I did not expect has been with my boyfriend. He has some of the same expectations of me that my mom has he is an AA-sober alcoholic, sober for 6 years. I didn't even realize this until I put my foot down and made some boundaries with mom.

Basically, I am trying to make room for myself in our relationship. I didn't even realize that I was accepting his expectation that I only say things he wants to hear, that I only have needs and feelings when he is not stressed out, that he is only expected to care about me when he feels like it.

This situation is so similar to the one I was raised with that I did not even see it. My boyfriend uses his explosive anger to try to keep control over the relationship. It takes him a long time to calm down after he gets angry. In the meantime, I don't even exist to him. His main trigger is criticism, and it doesn't take much to set him off.

After my fight with mom, I had a very useful conversation with him about how I sometimes feel like he is so caught up in his own life that he does not have room for me in it.

I did not even know I had this problem until I heard myself say it. But, I have been with him for a year and half, and just bringing this up now. He was upset but willing to listen. I thought I made sense to him that night. But since then he has gone backward to his usual behavior, which is punishing me for saying anything that makes him upset.

Today we got in a fight because I was frustrated that he couldn't hear me talking while I was trying to tell him about my hard day at work. I wanted to talk later when he could hear me. He told me he didn't know if later would be better because he's driving all day.

He said he would call me back later, but first wanted to make sure that I didn't think it was his fault that the phone had bad reception. I felt like I had already made it clear that I was just frustrated, not that I blamed him. I felt worse when he said that because it indicated that all he really cared about was whether or not I thought he was at fault. The fact that I was frustrated seemed to mean nothing to him. This is how it happens; every issue gets directed back to him.

I simply disappear from his sight- all he cares about his clearing his name. Whether or not I am hurt or upset is irrelevant. I told him that I felt like he didn't care that I was frustrated. This set him off. Then he yelled at me for about an hour until I hung up the phone. Again, I was expected to give up my side because he was mad, because he felt attacked.

If I make him feel bad, he believes that is my fault. Until I am willing to disappear again for him, he will ignore me. I know it's an insanely petty fight, but it had all the force of many other unresolved arguments behind it.

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I tell him the truth i. If I don't say anything, I'm repeating the relationship pattern that has never worked in the past. I don't want to be invisible anymore! I'm sick of always being the understanding one; I want to be understood. I'm sick of always being flexible and nice and giving up myself in order to keep the peace.

I want to be important to someone. I want to be able to say things that he doesn't like again, respectfully without him feeling entitled to attack me.

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Dating My Mother



Im dating my mom

I've had a tough week. Actually, things with my mom have been good since we had a fight last week. I insisted on three things: To her considerable credit, I think she has taken this in. Her behavior has been more respectful and reasonable this week. I haven't been feeling like I am at fault for something I couldn't have avoided.

BTW, my mom is actually a dry alcoholic. She's been dry since I was The consequence that I did not expect has been with my boyfriend. He has some of the same expectations of me that my mom has he is an AA-sober alcoholic, sober for 6 years. I didn't even realize this until I put my foot down and made some boundaries with mom. Basically, I am trying to make room for myself in our relationship. I didn't even realize that I was accepting his expectation that I only say things he wants to hear, that I only have needs and feelings when he is not stressed out, that he is only expected to care about me when he feels like it.

This situation is so similar to the one I was raised with that I did not even see it. My boyfriend uses his explosive anger to try to keep control over the relationship. It takes him a long time to calm down after he gets angry. In the meantime, I don't even exist to him. His main trigger is criticism, and it doesn't take much to set him off. After my fight with mom, I had a very useful conversation with him about how I sometimes feel like he is so caught up in his own life that he does not have room for me in it.

I did not even know I had this problem until I heard myself say it. But, I have been with him for a year and half, and just bringing this up now. He was upset but willing to listen. I thought I made sense to him that night. But since then he has gone backward to his usual behavior, which is punishing me for saying anything that makes him upset.

Today we got in a fight because I was frustrated that he couldn't hear me talking while I was trying to tell him about my hard day at work. I wanted to talk later when he could hear me.

He told me he didn't know if later would be better because he's driving all day. He said he would call me back later, but first wanted to make sure that I didn't think it was his fault that the phone had bad reception. I felt like I had already made it clear that I was just frustrated, not that I blamed him. I felt worse when he said that because it indicated that all he really cared about was whether or not I thought he was at fault. The fact that I was frustrated seemed to mean nothing to him.

This is how it happens; every issue gets directed back to him. I simply disappear from his sight- all he cares about his clearing his name. Whether or not I am hurt or upset is irrelevant. I told him that I felt like he didn't care that I was frustrated. This set him off. Then he yelled at me for about an hour until I hung up the phone.

Again, I was expected to give up my side because he was mad, because he felt attacked. If I make him feel bad, he believes that is my fault. Until I am willing to disappear again for him, he will ignore me. I know it's an insanely petty fight, but it had all the force of many other unresolved arguments behind it. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I tell him the truth i. If I don't say anything, I'm repeating the relationship pattern that has never worked in the past.

I don't want to be invisible anymore! I'm sick of always being the understanding one; I want to be understood.

I'm sick of always being flexible and nice and giving up myself in order to keep the peace. I want to be important to someone. I want to be able to say things that he doesn't like again, respectfully without him feeling entitled to attack me.

Im dating my mom

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3 Comments

  1. When my father died two years ago, dating was the last thing on my mind. I have not honored my mother, and I should have. Well, so far I think mom and I might make it.

  2. One of my favorite sayings is: Again, I was expected to give up my side because he was mad, because he felt attacked. When my father died two years ago, dating was the last thing on my mind.

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