When sex is no longer a priority is there an underlying relationship problem? Kenedy Singer opens up and wonders: How important is sex in a relationship? The importance of sex in a healthy relationship cannot be understated. Men tend to focus on sex. Women tend to focus on love. My ex is a lovely woman, whom I still love dearly. However, we had many challenges in our marriage.
One of the byproducts of all that though some might argue it to actually be the cause is that we quit having sex. The effect of this on me was challenging. The implications of all these factors are big because sex is a deep and powerful form of intimacy. It bonds and connects two people in ways that few other things can. There is a deep energetic connection that bonds two people when they make love.
And we know it. We all know how close we feel to someone after we have sex. But, heck, it sure does mean that it helps bring us together. It brings us closer. What I am suggesting is this: Back to my marriage, there were often times when we had fought or just felt distance between us. This continued on and on so that we continued to grow apart over time. It could have been different. Makes lots of sense, right?
Something is broken, so go fix it. Relationship expert John Gottman has done outstanding research on relationships and what makes them work. This is where Gottman is different. Rather, his approach is all about creating a solid foundation in the relationship. One where both people feel a strong, deep bond between each other. In doing this, there is a stronger bond and a level of goodwill that flows.
And when your woman just wants to talk and be heard, you are happy to listen because you know she just needs an ear. In short, everything becomes easier. The little things just fall to the wayside. Well, Gottman teaches much of this in his workshops and writing. It includes excellent tips and guidance on creating and sustaining intimate relationships. And, yes, having a healthy sex life is part of all this.
Keep this in mind too, there are many things you can do that are flirtatious, intimate and nourishing besides just the act of sex. Foreplay is lots of fun and definitely helps set the tone for better lovemaking. It for sure creates more emotional intimacy which strengthens the bonds of lovemaking. Personally, I know that my failed marriage would have benefitted enormously from more of the Gottman foundation-building work.
It was sad to end a relationship with someone that I still had deep love for, but it was necessary. And that you have a healthy and satisfying sex life with your partner!