But, with the guy I am currently seeing, I am a little reluctant to tell him about my past. Any help you can give me?
Any man who has a problem with an experienced and mature woman, who knows exactly what she wants, needs to stay in HIS white picket fence fantasy world. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and picking men who were not right for you in the past. The good news is, you know what you are looking for and what is right for you, now. It is okay NOT to reveal everything about yourself; a little mystery goes a long way. And, if you have a question, ask Matt Titus at http: Clients come to me with a long list of deal breakers and very strict requirements.
What they often do not understand is that the men are not always interested in meeting them. The number of times I have wrestled with how I could gently inform my client that the man she chose to be introduced to was not attracted to her is endless. I do try to provide constructive feedback but often it is a matter of a lack of chemistry. Not only am I scolded, attacked and told that I am not doing my job if I introduce her to someone who is not romantically interested in her, I am accused of introducing her to someone who is not serious about a being in a relationship they ARE serious about being in a relationship, just not with you.
I was recently slapped with a lawsuit, riddled with lies and wrongly slandered and defamed in very public media outlets by such a client. The lawsuit and the defamatory charges are flagrant on so many levels. She fell head over heels for the Jewish Ivy educated businessman who she had went out with three times.
It is the most unflattering expression of rejection I have ever witnessed. We have all experienced rejection in our lives, and yeah it hurts, really badly, but to go to the extreme of vilifying both the matchmaker who was just doing his job, a good one at that and the man who took her on three lovely dates including lunch at the Breakers in Palm Beach with his children , is inconceivable and quite frankly pitiful.
I have been in this business for nearly a decade. I moved to NYC with a girlfriend after having sold my successful med-spa and fitness businesses in Philadelphia. I continued to commute to Philly to work with some longtime fitness clients. I was very passionate about the fitness industry…helping people achieve tangible goals, augmenting their self-esteem through diet and exercise that resulted in an overall improved quality of life.
My clients were grateful, and I enjoyed the satisfaction of having a positive impact on their lives, both physically and mentally. So when my girlfriend woke up one morning and half-jokingly said she did not want to be married to Jack Lalanne and had this idea for me to become the first male matchmaker that dealt exclusively with woman clients for a new career, I balked but was open to starting something new.
I wont take women as clients, I have an assistant herd them into a database and exclusively have men as my paying clients. She foreshadowed the reality of my idealistic vision for this business. One of my biggest regrets is ignoring her advice.
A Lifetime reality show, two New York Times best-selling books, speaking engagements, seminars, countless media appearances on the most popular talks shows and respected media outlets and a thriving matchmaking and coaching business soon followed.
I was helping people in much the same way that I did in the fitness industry, but the focus was helping them find the love they sought and deserved. Most of my clients are successful women, highly educated, attractive, and genuinely interested in meeting a lifelong partner. After my first reality show aired, I met with a prospective client. I will call her Kristi. She said she had trouble trusting men because of a recent sexual harassment situation at her job.
Then, she strangely asked me what I thought of the details of her experience and asked me to roll play the conversations she had with her boss.
I acquiesced since I thought it might help a potential client gain trust in working with me by sharing my thoughts. It turns out, she taped our conversation, editing it so it sounded like I was the one harassing her. Fortunately, we chose not to negotiate with wannabe terrorists and my media savvy girlfriend who surprised me with her subtle but effective Tony Soprano skills , put the kibosh on the situation after one very stern phone call.
While I seriously considered throwing in the towel, she convinced me that this is the type of unfortunate thing that happens when you are in the public eye and developing a thick skin is vital. I knew there would be more of these disturbing and potentially damaging incidents, but I am not a quitter and chose to move forward. The experiences and situations that ensued are truly much, much stranger than fiction.
She was a smart, successful woman who was eager for us to work together. I thought she had great energy and could definitely help her with her dating challenges. Then, the emails and homemade postcards started filling up my inbox and mailbox: Rene was aware that I was recently married and had even met my wife on several occasions, going so far as giving Rene advice about her career.
To say my wife was both livid and disrespected is an understatement, but she also did not want to escalate matters since someone who demonstrated such inappropriate and erratic behavior was unpredictable in what else she might do.
When I tried to have a non-confrontational conversation with Rene about her inappropriate behavior, she threatened to tell the papers that I had come on to her and veritably extorted money, demanding a refund. Even more outrageous was her declining a match based on her perception that his hair might be thinning.
She had an aversion to balding men and insisted after viewing numerous pictures of him at different angles that I meet the guy in person and literally run my fingers through his hair to evaluate his follicle condition. When they broke up, she said he was cheap, and she had to pay his way during most of their relationship. Again, she chose to date this man for a length of time. I did not force her, but she felt the need to reprimand me for introducing her to him.
The average looking documentary filmmaker who rejected 14 potential matches for various superficial reasons. Almost every episode ends like a fairy tale. Miss and soon-to-be Mr. Right fall madly in love after a helicopter ride overlooking the city, followed by a champagne toast at sunset on a quiet candlelit beach while Mr. Waves crash behind them as they hold hands and gaze out at the horizon, collectively dreaming of their future together. They are not Ken and Barbie or Brad and Angelina.
I reiterate that these incidents are not representative of all of my clients but there has been a great deal of unreasonable and vindictive individuals whom I have worked with. This is a thankless business. Even the recently married couple that I introduced did not have the decency to thank me or my colleague after sending the warmest of congratulations and mazel tov-filled emails.
One very major detail that these clients cannot grasp is that neither I nor any other person on the planet can determine or ascertain chemistry between two people. Still, I am painted in a negative light, as most matchmakers are in the media.
They refuse to acknowledge that they played a part in the overall experience. In reality, they would love to tell off the person who rejected them, curse them, insult them, tell them they will never do better than them. They come to a matchmaker because they have not had success finding love on their own. I encourage my clients to not rely solely on the service to meet eligible singles.
I coach my clients, work to instill confidence in them, arrange makeovers, go shopping with them, approve outfits, craft and edit emails and texts to respond to the person they are dating or want to date, teach effective flirting techniques, play wingman, augment their online dating profiles to bring out the best in who they are. I suggest places and events where they might have the chance to organically meet someone who shares common interests. I am in no way crowning my head or looking to be posthumously canonized as the Mother Theresa of matchmakers.
What has made it so disheartening for me is the clients who refuse to participate in bettering themselves and opening up their criteria. They have more dealbreakers than dealmakers. They are their own worst matchmakers because they reject more than they accept; judge with prejudice and quite often should be investing in a quality therapist rather than a matchmaker.
Next time a disgruntled client suing a matchmaker becomes a big news story, you should be aware that there are 2 sides to every story or sometimes 3 sides, such as the case with my most recent publicly circulated ordeal: