Frequently love dogs more than people. Think you know the best marg in the city? Want to learn it, and how to have better messaging all around? Except your opening line seldom gets a reply. Or the conversation peters out after a few exchanges. Online dating is the worst. This is especially true for guys who have moved beyond hookup culture and are looking for dating with some substance. The system is broken. I want to be up front: This is about what happens after you match, when a tiny window of possibility opens that you can either enlarge or allow to close forever.
This article is about the inescapable truth of the apps: The Neglected Secret Weapon A quick google search reveals a bias in the online-dating advice industry: Online dating is self-marketing. You need a fire profile and to understand the etiquette.
You can pay a professional profile pic photographer for better images. You can get your female friends to help you with your bio. Messages are your audition for face time. Think of your profile like a resume. Messaging is the job interview and a screening combined.
Your Goals in Messaging 1. Capture and Hold Interest Quality opening messages are important because you need to a get them to respond, and b dive deep enough into the conversation right away so you can emotionally connect before one of you drops the conversation.
This is the most challenging aspect of the entire messaging game. Online dating encourages digital A. It happens naturally, or not. Are they putting forth equal effort? Are they genuinely into you, or just responding to the attention? Present an Authentic Self-Image Authenticity is appealing. As Jack Donaghy once told Liz Lemon: Be open, confident, and positive.
Apply that to who you really are and trust that the right people will connect with it. Make Them Feel Safe This advice is given from the perspective of men seeking women since that's largely our experience , but it applies to everyone.
Step into her shoes for a moment: In just about any other kind of social transaction, that would be insane. Women have a different set of social and personal safety challenges than guys. You need to understand that and use your messages to transmit signals that you are a respectful, responsible person who has healthy boundaries.
So how do you make her feel safe in the messaging phase? Anything that even hints of sexual expectation, misogyny, or pressure of any kind is a red flag. For most guys, however, it means just a few commonsense best practices.
First, avoid sexual innuendo. Second, it pays to be confident and specific in setting up a meeting but you should still send signals she can have as much control over how and when as she wants. Contrary to most of the advice out there, there is no set rule about when to suggest a meeting.
How about we meet up? Want me to pick you up something? You can stop reading, right? Ditch the canned lines. Would you apply to a job with the exact same cover letter and resume? You develop a framework and modify to fit your particular goal. Be personal We get it — messaging is time consuming.
But spamming out the same generic message is a mistake. Internal testing at Primer indicates the personal touch works. Potentially double your response rate by being personal. Be Specific About Them Examine their bio and images for something specific that you have in common.
It can be anything, but it needs to be something you share — even just an interest in travel. First, it starts building rapport. Second, it invites your match to share something about themselves. Third, it gives you a topic to begin and expand into a real conversation.
Now, a lot of people are lazy with their profiles. Using our travel example, mention the last place you went and why it was unexpected or amazing. Everyone — everyone — is interesting. Be Humorous Humorous is different than funny. Funny is for comedians. The good new is, humorous is enough. Humor signals both intelligence and the ability to win others over, both traits highly desirable in a potential heavy petting partner.
Combined with self-deprecation, this can be a powerful tool. My team went 5 in 15 but I think I might turn pro. And really, what do you have to lose? Your job is to establish rapport and common ground, not swing your big …brain. Out of discussions and a few Scotch-fueled informal messaging workshops has arisen a formula: Her bio gives her height without heels right away, mentions loving dogs and being a margarita expert 2.
You notice tacos in several profile pics 1. I see you also lean tacosexual 2. BBQ at [delicious local spot] Thursday? Bio contains a lot of information: Share it in the comments below!