Online dating disclosing disability. Disability and online dating: should you tell your date you have a disability?.



Online dating disclosing disability

Online dating disclosing disability

We as human beings spend a lot of time, energy and money trying to find that special someone, the Ying to our Yang. As a thirty something woman living in London, I too am looking for love and like many people my age I am no stranger to the minefield that is the dating scene. Gone are the days of traditional dating rituals where, dare I say, one would actually approach another person in a bar or strike up a conversation at a party.

Instead now with the launch of dating apps such as Tinder, Grindr or Zooks to name but a few, hook ups and sex have replaced dinner dates or a trip to the cinema - dating people solely on their looks has become the main focus. Dating nowadays comes down to a quick 'SWIPE', a yes or no depending on if you find the image staring back at you on your phone desirable or not. The media constantly tells us what and who we should be attracted to. We are told what we should find sexy and desirable - slim, tall, big lips, small waist, abs, athletic This bombardment of the ideal person and body can be overwhelming for the best of us, leading us to spend hours trying to take that perfect selfie, but for someone with a disability such as myself, the media's idea of sexy does not include disability.

I am yet to see disabled underwear models in Ann Summers or Victoria Secret. I have never been to the cinema where the protagonist is a disabled person and who's partner is the handsome heart throb.

This lack of representation also most certainly reflects the dating world. It seems to be common practice to perceive people with disabilities as objects rather than complete people. This in turn leads to the view that they are less human and do not desire, need nor want the same as everyone else. This goes for wanting love or have a need to be a sexual person. This misconception leads to comments I myself have received such as; Can you have sex?

Can you get pregnant? Can you date and have you ever had a boyfriend? The answer to all of the above is yes, yes and yes my disability does not stop me from wanting to find love, have a sex life or be seen as desirable.

So why do people feel they need to ask these questions to people with disabilities? The importance of positive images of disability within media is crucial to dispelling these myths, with nearly two thirds of disabled people believing that seeing more authentic portals of disability on our T.

We have undoubtedly come a long way since the Paralympics and with shows such as the Last Leg which have all helped 'normalise' disability but yet we still shy away from disability and sex. Where are our disabled lingerie models or sex scenes in films with disabled actors?

Something that I can sadly relate too. When it comes to online dating, I often don't disclose my disability straight away. But if more authentic portrayals of disability and sex and relationships are used within the media I would no longer be questioned on my sexual capabilities and that selfie I use as my profile picture would proudly include my wheelchair.

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Is disability a dating dealbreaker?



Online dating disclosing disability

We as human beings spend a lot of time, energy and money trying to find that special someone, the Ying to our Yang. As a thirty something woman living in London, I too am looking for love and like many people my age I am no stranger to the minefield that is the dating scene. Gone are the days of traditional dating rituals where, dare I say, one would actually approach another person in a bar or strike up a conversation at a party. Instead now with the launch of dating apps such as Tinder, Grindr or Zooks to name but a few, hook ups and sex have replaced dinner dates or a trip to the cinema - dating people solely on their looks has become the main focus.

Dating nowadays comes down to a quick 'SWIPE', a yes or no depending on if you find the image staring back at you on your phone desirable or not. The media constantly tells us what and who we should be attracted to.

We are told what we should find sexy and desirable - slim, tall, big lips, small waist, abs, athletic This bombardment of the ideal person and body can be overwhelming for the best of us, leading us to spend hours trying to take that perfect selfie, but for someone with a disability such as myself, the media's idea of sexy does not include disability.

I am yet to see disabled underwear models in Ann Summers or Victoria Secret. I have never been to the cinema where the protagonist is a disabled person and who's partner is the handsome heart throb.

This lack of representation also most certainly reflects the dating world. It seems to be common practice to perceive people with disabilities as objects rather than complete people.

This in turn leads to the view that they are less human and do not desire, need nor want the same as everyone else. This goes for wanting love or have a need to be a sexual person.

This misconception leads to comments I myself have received such as; Can you have sex? Can you get pregnant? Can you date and have you ever had a boyfriend? The answer to all of the above is yes, yes and yes my disability does not stop me from wanting to find love, have a sex life or be seen as desirable. So why do people feel they need to ask these questions to people with disabilities? The importance of positive images of disability within media is crucial to dispelling these myths, with nearly two thirds of disabled people believing that seeing more authentic portals of disability on our T.

We have undoubtedly come a long way since the Paralympics and with shows such as the Last Leg which have all helped 'normalise' disability but yet we still shy away from disability and sex.

Where are our disabled lingerie models or sex scenes in films with disabled actors? Something that I can sadly relate too. When it comes to online dating, I often don't disclose my disability straight away. But if more authentic portrayals of disability and sex and relationships are used within the media I would no longer be questioned on my sexual capabilities and that selfie I use as my profile picture would proudly include my wheelchair. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements.

Learn more Newsletter Please enter a valid email address Thank you for signing up! You should receive an email to confirm your subscription shortly. There was a problem processing your signup; please try again later.

Online dating disclosing disability

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4 Comments

  1. That would creep you out and make you uncomfortable right? You can manipulate photos, tell fantastic stories to impress people and just outright lie.

  2. Dating shows, such as The Undatables, have been attempting to break down preconceived notions people have around dating and disabilities.

  3. That way, if someone thought I seemed interesting, he could have a few thoughts before just skipping my profile because of my disability. Should you instead disclose your disability while chatting online? So should this all be made clear upfront, right on your profile?

  4. If we are overlooked in real life would the online experience be any different or would be get a lot of swipes on our profiles? I ultimately decided to not include it but that led the the next problem of when I should disclose. Where are our disabled lingerie models or sex scenes in films with disabled actors?

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