Shutterstock I originally hail from the great state of Kansas great minus the tornadoes and never-ending Wizard of Oz references. I do realize that people in the middle squeeze of the US generally move faster when it comes to settling down farmer problems. However, being an independent woman in her mids, I do like to date. Dating can be super fun. The latter has proven to be the norm these days.
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Farther. You better hope the person you start dating lives within a. You live in Williamsburg and he lives in Washington Heights? Kiss that relationship buh-bye. The subway will suck your time away. Taking cabs everywhere will suck your bank account dry.
You sucking get me? I think there are three things New Yorkers are always on the lookout for: Me, me, me, me, me. New York imports sacrifice a lot to survive here. We abandon our comfort zones and move miles away from family and friends. We sacrifice financial security to follow our dreams. We sacrifice our dreams in order to pay our rents. We sacrifice space and privacy for Manhattan zip codes. After a while, we tire of sacrificing.
We slowly become selfish. Sometimes, an apartment to yourself, a six-pack of beer, Seamless, and Netflix sounds oh so much better. People move here from all over the world for a specific purpose. That purpose is most often their occupation. To become good enough to make it in this city, you have to strike some luck, but also work extremely hard.
We become conditioned to working hard and expecting a specific result in return. Whether that be a raise, a promotion, an award, another piece of flair, blah blah. You do everything right. You hold the delicate balance between cute and sexy. You remember the name of his or her second grade class pet. Again with the work thing.
We work to live. If you start dating someone, you will always be competing with a ridiculous work schedule. Unless you enjoy only seeing said person every two weeks at Damn you, Steve Jobs. I loved you, Steve, and immensely enjoy my earbuds.
But, for real, do we have to add a soundtrack to every minuscule daily activity? I understand we all need to unplug and tune out sometimes. The internet is a beautiful thing. It can also be a terrifying place where weirdos go to prey on normal dudes and chicks who just want to have good conversation and some crunchy spicy tuna, okay?
The first date I ever went on, I must have just cashed in on internet dating gold, or karma was super nice to me for being a good person who has had a rough go with men.
I go with karma. Regardless, we met out at a bar in the East Village. I knew from about 10 seconds into our date we had some kind of spark. I knew he had to have liked me to endure 45 minutes of advertising talk and my weird food cravings. And it was great. However, until I met Mr. Karma Date, I usually received one of three types of messages: But I do expect both parties to put forth a little more effort than three letters and a tilted smile. Or there is no way in hell my vagina was going to get wet from that face sorry, Mom.
Some terrifyingly bizarre messages. A week later with no response from my end, I get a follow up. You can just copy and paste one of the following options: That message made me want to vodka soda with a Xanax chaser. You are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties? I hope this person was wasted or this was a weird joke to him. You have my full attention if you wish. Do you like being free or being tied down? Yeah… found out this dude was into some hardcore BDSM after examining his profile.
You are seriously adorbale. Can I adopt you as my new little sister? Now browsing registered sex offenders, I promise. In a society that wishes not to label things because how uncool would it be to do that?
Yes, I have two. I bring one, maybe two phones, into my bathroom and text in the shower for goodness sake. Instead, we wander around this nebulous space trying to avoid and earnest and fearless conversation and filling ourselves with excuses. If the person your dating is frightened by your words, tell him or her to grow the hell up and get a night light.
We have too many weird hang ups. We have seen a homeless man take a shit in the subway station more times than we have fingers and toes. We are just a cityscape in mosaic. Millions of shattered, jaded people smashed together, spinning around on this broken merry-go-round. I might be a little bitter. Yet, I still have faith that in the best city in the world, full of endless opportunity, the best guy will come along and the merry-go-round will cease.
Meet the students of Five Points High School. Catch Five Points, a new series only on Facebook Watch. But, for all the misadventures of Ross, […] http: But, for all a misadventures of Ross, Joey, […].