You decided to meet and on your first date things go great. Generally everything feels wonderful. However there is one problem: I had touched on a similar topic last year in my post my boyfriend has kept his online dating profile active. Is He Interested in Me or Not?! First off let me say that many men keep their profiles active even though they are interested in the woman they are regularly dating. They like having women contacting them…even if they are rejecting all of them as it makes them feel desirable.
If you think this is annoying I definitely understand but I would still encourage tact when you try to resolve this issue. In some cases, this could cause what he saw as a healthy, budding relationship to end abruptly.
I even had one reader who had gave the man a hard time the day after their first date when his profile was still up. I have been dating a man I met on Match. We have a great time together and he calls every night to chat or say goodnight. I am really interested in him and I get the feeling that he feels the same way. My issue comes with him still having his profile up, and with my curiosity getting the best of me, I check almost everyday just to see when he last logged on — seems to be every few days or so.
I have read what you have written on this subject and I know you said that men are slower to remove their profiles than woman — so my question is how long is reasonable to wait for him to do this before you say something or begin to feel offended by it?
His response actually makes me wonder if he even realizes that he could hide his profile. Silly logic aside, I would ask any reader who has this issue the same thing I asked the woman who contacted me: Until the conversation happens, I would say it is fair for a guy to keep his profile up. Perhaps not nice or courteous but not unfair either.
If you have agreed to be exclusive, things are easy: Where does he see this relationship going, exactly? As I discussed above, I would recommend against being aggressive or angry. Still, these are areas you will need him to define. Try not to force them but at the same time you will want to look for opportunities let him know that you need to know where you stand with him.
For example, at the end of a nice evening together especially if the two of you are commenting on how much you enjoy spending time together you could bring up your concerns on not knowing where you stand in the relationship.
These are tricky conversations and can be difficult to work your way into. However, I can give some general advice. Second, I believe the following guidelines can help when having your conversations: You care for him and while some of his actions declare he feels the same way, other actions make things less clear.
No one wants to feel like they are being bullied into a relationship. Try to pick what feels like the best opportunity to talk about it, not the first opportunity.
Be understanding, within reasonable limits. If he is honest and admits to having a commitment issue, could you give him more time? A month is enough time to decide if you want to pursue a relationship further. Still, use your best judgment. One thing about the advice above is that someone women will want to start this process immediately after the first date. As a matter of fact, making an issue of things at this point could create a problem when no problem previously existed.
Just as some people have trouble committing, others are far too quick to try to do so. The reader above waited six weeks and I think that is very patient. In her case, it is very reasonable for her to expect her guy to offer some clarity on where he sees their relationship going. To sum it all up: I would expect that within the first month of actively dating each other that you should have an idea of where you stand and I would expect his profile to be down.
In the cases where his profile is still up, I would expect that another month after bringing up your concerns is all it should take for him to decide and it really should be much faster than this.