This is usually easier said than done, especially after a breakup when our emotions are usually running wild! The thought of him moving on and forgetting about you is too terrifying to bear.
But, in this instance, it will hurt. If you want your ex back, it is important that you strictly adhere to the no contact rule. Engaging him beyond that will only suck you back into the cycle of drama or of constantly thinking of him. At this stage, you want to focus on yourself, your mental peace, and getting the relationship you want.
Your fears, insecurities, negative emotions, and wishful thinking will be your biggest obstacle to succeeding here. Below I answer some common questions, but make sure to also read these two articles for more detail on the no contact rule: How long should I go without contact? It usually takes people several weeks to break bad habits or withdraw from things that have been a huge part of their life for any period of time.
Likewise, it will take you some time to detox from your ex. I know getting through the day without the one person who was once the center of your life can feel impossible.
At first, you might feel a little lost and empty. But I promise once you power through those first few days, it will get easier. As they say, every second is another chance to turn it all around. You can only start again from here. If you broke the no contact rule, the only thing to be done is to start the no-contact period over again.
What if we run into each other? If you find yourself lurking in areas that you know your ex frequents — his favorite coffee shop, the neighborhood park, the gym he goes to, in the hopes that you casually run into him… stop! The no contact rule means no contact.
It would be a good idea to be cheerful, positive, and in a good mood when you see him. What if he finds someone new during no contact? The no contact rule is to allow you the time you need to work on yourself, build up your self-esteem, and realize that you can live without your ex and find happiness in your own life. Besides, even if he does get into a new relationship… you have to realize that all relationships are not created equal.
Sometimes the easiest way to numb the pain of a previous relationship is to jump right into a new one. And in the case of a rebound, who knows what the outcome will be? Remember this step— and really this whole process— is about you. Your focus should be on getting to the best possible headspace and having the best possible mindset so you are your best possible self.
That is the foundation for lasting love, not tricks and gimmicks. The alternative is panicking, stalking him, texting him constantly, and begging him to take you back — which never works. What if he gets upset? That is the goal. Look, I know how hard it is to not contact the one person on this earth you want to see and speak to more than anyone else. I fully get it. Here, your goal is to get your ex back and have a healthy, loving, mutually fulfilling relationship.
And it takes time to plow through all the emotional rubble. The main benefit of the no contact rule is to help you get to a better place emotionally and mentally after a breakup. There are a lot of feelings to sort through, there is a lot of pain to process, and there are many layers of hurt.
It takes time to peel back those layers, get to the core of that pain, and heal. The no contact rule is for you; remember that first and foremost. You will remember that you can live without him When you are deeply in love, it can feel like you will cease to exist if that person is no longer in your life.
And I can tell you that you can live without him. This sort of growth and self-discovery is invaluable. Gives him time to miss you and reset his mental image of you When you follow the no contact rule, you give him the time and space to miss you. This can only happen in your absence, not in your presence.
By reaching out too soon, you risk falling into a post-relationship relationship. Gives you time to evaluate the relationship to see if your ex really is the guy for you Is he really the right guy for you?
Or maybe a little time away causes you to see his good qualities that you took advantage of during the relationship. Whatever the case, sometimes you need to step away from something to see it more clearly. One of the most devastating mistakes you can make is trying to force it to work with a guy who is wrong with you.
You avoid mistakes that ruin your chances of getting him back. Because it will totally sabotage your efforts to get your ex back. These sins are the most common mistakes most women make post-breakup. They want to be with him above all else and that is the only thing on their mind, not common sense.
They feel this nagging urge to call him, to see him, to talk to him, to sit down and re-hash the relationship again, and they just go with it. I hope by making you aware of the most common pitfalls you will be better able to avoid them so you can stay on the right path. Here are the most common post-breakup mistakes most women make: Contacting him all the time The no contact rule basically covers this. But, it is so fundamental to the success of getting your ex back that it makes sense to reiterate it.
We explained earlier how keeping your emotions in check is critical to making this period of no contact work. I know how easy it is to backslide and fall into our familiar patterns. When you are doing something new, your mind and body often work in overdrive to keep you in familiar territory, scientists call this process homeostasis. However, it is possible to create a new normal, you just need to give yourself some time. But you must resist! But remember reaching out at this stage will not bring him back into your life.
If you are at the point where begging your ex to want you seems like a viable option, take a moment and see where that urge is coming from. Chances are you are creating unrealistic fantasies of what it will be like to have your ex back — and are desperately hoping for reality to be different than it is.
The antidote to this might be looking at the relationship objectively. Look at the issues that drove you two apart in the first place. No one is perfect and if you take the time to focus on you and filling your own life with you… having a relationship will only be a bonus, not a necessity. But, if you believe your ex was the best thing to happen to you and you want him back badly, you may find yourself tempted to accept any kind of treatment from him.
You may delude yourself into thinking that any attention is good attention. But, that is so not the case, especially if you intend to get your ex back. People often exploit people who are vulnerable and desperate. Even the most decent human being would find it hard to refrain from taking advantage of someone who was complicit, or in extreme cases, welcoming of poor treatment. And, let me fill you in on a little secret: Imagine how you would feel if you won an award just because they were pulling names out of a hat versus if you won a trophy for something you worked for.
Getting a lottery prize is always nice, but getting a reward for hard work is more satisfying. In addition, giving in to him and giving him everything he wants just makes you look needy and desperate. The relationship is going really well in the beginning. You are seeing each other often and enjoy one another. You begin to prioritize him over other things going on in your life, like hobbies or nights out with friends.
Instead of giving him space, you panic. You feel like you are losing him for good so you go into overdrive… questioning him about his feelings for you, being on your best behavior, and worst of all, putting up with bad behavior. Unfortunately, all that does is make him lose respect for you and see you as desperate, which undermines the relationship even more and pushes him away even further. It inevitably becomes a downward spiral that continues until the relationship inevitably implodes.
The only way to have a good relationship is if you demand a good relationship from him. Not to mention, completely undervaluing yourself, which will deeply impact your self-esteem.
Smothering him with affection Showering your ex with affection has the same effect of the first three deadly sins. Trying to convince your ex that he should be with you by giving him all the attention, pouring compliments over him, sending him love notes or whatever will not work.
You have to respect his space after a breakup. What gets him to reconsider everything is if you become a stronger, better version of yourself.
A woman of immense value who really values herself. Desperation repels, happiness and being fulfilled is what makes you a love magnet, not to mention a people magnet.
Moral of the story: Focus on showering yourself with love and affection, rather than him. Trying to make him jealous by talking about other men Trying to make him jealous by flaunting other guys in his face is also not a good idea. In fact, doing that also makes you look desperate, not to mention manipulative.
Again, you need to be focusing on yourself at this time, not on getting a reaction out of him.