I had a great time SpeedDating. Boltini Lounge is a very nice little bar in downtown Champaign, and manager Robb Tobias was a very gracious host. His warmth was welcome, since I was a little nervous. I registered at 6 p. Then I went to Merry Ann's diner for a sandwich. I hesitated before ordering a patty-melt, and engaged in internal dialog. And it's a good thing I had no intention of bringing anyone to my house. Kaitlin's gerbil had escaped from its cage and I couldn't catch it before I left for the evening.
There's nothing like a screaming woman at the front door to get the neighbors tongues a waggin'. That reminds me of my good buddy Troy, who loves to tell the story of an experience he had as a single man when he was entertaining a young woman in his mobile home in the woods. Shortly after she went to use his bathroom, he heard her frantic screams.
Evidently, she had heard noises coming from under the bathroom sink. Possibly a providential event, as Troy is now happily married to someone else. Only four people signed up for this event, which was specifically for people over I wish he had told me that first, then I would have felt like a brave man.
In the previous article I mentioned women who are wary on first dates. Now I'm thinking that in comparison to these men who ran away, they were courageous just to show up.
Or maybe the cowards were Narcissists with low self esteem who didn't think they could do themselves justice in eight short minutes. You know the ones; they apologize for talking about themselves too much by saying, "Sorry, I may not be much, but I'm all I think about No, I'm not telling you anything more. But, I'll say this: It's bad enough having to calm women's fears about me psychoanalyzing them after I disclose that I am a psychotherapist; I don't want them worrying that I'm going to write about them too.
It is impossible to evaluate SpeedDating without exploring the concept of "chemistry. Some believe in love at first sight, and others are wary of the value of first impressions, perhaps because in the past they had quickly fallen deeply in love with sociopaths. I'm somewhat ambivalent about the usefulness of my initial reactions at a first meeting.
In any relationship, there are so many important things to know that can only be learned over a long period of time. Perhaps due to my Social Worker training, it's a habit to resist locking into any particular initial perception of anyone I meet.
I have been wrong too many times in both directions. When I first met my high school best friend Bill, I thought he was a total loser. He's turned out to be a long-term winner. A diamond in the rough. And conversely, I have judged people positively initially, only to altar my thoughts later. A dear San Diego friend recently married a man I probably would have strongly endorsed if I had met him.
He turned out to be every woman's nightmare. A pebble in the rough. After they had over two years of long-distance phone conversations and countless e-mails, they finally spent a weekend together and got engaged, and married one month later.
That marriage lasted five months, and should have been put out of its misery after a week. Many people seem to be attracted to the idea of "love at first sight.
It's my favorite feeling too, but I've noticed it can have a blinding effect. It contributes to our natural tendency to be selectively attentive to only positive things. When the chemistry at a first meeting is off the chart good, we will look for things in the other person to justify the investment our heart has made. What if I had fallen in love at Boltini within eight minutes and the woman had told me she has always dreamed of becoming a trapeze artist? I would have thought, "Wow, what a wonderful thing, such a sense of adventure!
She's just as quirky as I am! Click Contribute above to inquire further.