Stood up online dating. Online Dating Blog.



Stood up online dating

Stood up online dating

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating.

I was really excited. And she stood me up. I hung around the bar where we were meeting for forty-five minutes and then I gave up. The whole time, she didn't answer my texts. Now, a few days later, she tells me that she's sorry, and that she wants to take me out again, and she's buying.

On the one hand, she's hot, and I still want to meet her. On the other hand, I feel like she treated me badly, and I don't want to reward that. So what do I do? Should I say yes? Go out with her again. Swallow your pride and accept free alcohol. This may not be the answer you want. I feel like you probably want me to call her a hideous wench, and tell you to banish her from your phone forever as a punishment for violating your dignity.

And I get where you're coming from. Being ghosted on truly, truly sucks. It takes a lot of guts to ask somebody out, especially in today's weird culture of romance, where if your advances aren't conducted in a perfectly graceful manner, you might find yourself being mocked on Twitter, or accused of perpetrating toxic masculinity. You did a good thing, and you didn't get rewarded for it — you sat alone for most of an hour while a waitress gave you pitying looks. And, usually, in this column and elsewhere, I advise dudes to take disrespect seriously.

Like, if she cheated on you, don't take her back. If she doesn't listen to your concerns about her coterie of apparently interested male friends seriously, you should probably dump her. Many men are afraid to stick up for themselves. But, though it's important to stand by your principles generally, it's also important to be mindful of when you might be taking a principle too far.

This is one of those cases. Let's do a cost-benefit analysis. If you agree to meet up with this girl one more time, you, at the very least, waste two hours on drinking free expensive cocktails.

At most, you'll get some great sex , or a fun fling, or even a good relationship. That's not a deal you should pass up. With those odds, you should throw the dice. Let me tell you about a date I once had. It was the worst date ever. She was an hour late. She actually caught me at the door of the bar where we were meeting as I was walking out. She accidentally fell asleep. After pleading with me not to go, I stuck around. It wasn't worth it.

The conversation was awkward and argumentative, and there was no chemistry at all. Throughout, I was trying to guess whether she was bored or exhausted. Two quick drinks and I was gone. A week later, she texted me and said, basically, "Look, I feel like I was crappy company the other night — work has been really stressful, and I'm not my best self right now.

Can we try again? It was way better. Whereas, on the first date , she was heinously late, cagey, shy, and awkward, on the second date, she was cool, confident, dressed to kill, and right on time. We got along swimmingly. I was actually shocked. At the end of the date, she said, "hey, would you be offended if I asked you to take me home? And I ended up taking her home for six months afterwards.

Eventually we stopped seeing each other, but we're still friends, and we had a lot of fun. What's the lesson here? Well, sometimes good people behave badly. Sometimes they're off their game. You can only really get a sense of what a person is like if you get a reasonably wide sample of their behavior.

After all, consider your own dating history. Don't tell me you've never flaked out on a date at the last minute, or been catastrophically late, or that you've always been in perfect form. I assume you'd like to be forgiven for your occasional trespasses. Well, try to forgive this girl, too. Just because she flaked out on you one time, it doesn't mean, necessarily, that she's a flake.

Maybe she's fantastic, and you caught her on a bad day. At the very least, it's really cool that she offered to pick up the tab, and she wants to try her again. So tell her that, yes, you'll meet up one more time, as long as she promises to be precisely on time. And if she's more than fifteen minutes late, go home, log onto your favorite online dating site , and keep up the good work. Think you could use some dating help, too?

Video by theme:

My Embarrassing Online Dating Story



Stood up online dating

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. I was really excited. And she stood me up. I hung around the bar where we were meeting for forty-five minutes and then I gave up.

The whole time, she didn't answer my texts. Now, a few days later, she tells me that she's sorry, and that she wants to take me out again, and she's buying. On the one hand, she's hot, and I still want to meet her. On the other hand, I feel like she treated me badly, and I don't want to reward that. So what do I do? Should I say yes? Go out with her again. Swallow your pride and accept free alcohol. This may not be the answer you want. I feel like you probably want me to call her a hideous wench, and tell you to banish her from your phone forever as a punishment for violating your dignity.

And I get where you're coming from. Being ghosted on truly, truly sucks. It takes a lot of guts to ask somebody out, especially in today's weird culture of romance, where if your advances aren't conducted in a perfectly graceful manner, you might find yourself being mocked on Twitter, or accused of perpetrating toxic masculinity.

You did a good thing, and you didn't get rewarded for it — you sat alone for most of an hour while a waitress gave you pitying looks. And, usually, in this column and elsewhere, I advise dudes to take disrespect seriously.

Like, if she cheated on you, don't take her back. If she doesn't listen to your concerns about her coterie of apparently interested male friends seriously, you should probably dump her. Many men are afraid to stick up for themselves. But, though it's important to stand by your principles generally, it's also important to be mindful of when you might be taking a principle too far.

This is one of those cases. Let's do a cost-benefit analysis. If you agree to meet up with this girl one more time, you, at the very least, waste two hours on drinking free expensive cocktails. At most, you'll get some great sex , or a fun fling, or even a good relationship.

That's not a deal you should pass up. With those odds, you should throw the dice. Let me tell you about a date I once had.

It was the worst date ever. She was an hour late. She actually caught me at the door of the bar where we were meeting as I was walking out. She accidentally fell asleep. After pleading with me not to go, I stuck around.

It wasn't worth it. The conversation was awkward and argumentative, and there was no chemistry at all. Throughout, I was trying to guess whether she was bored or exhausted. Two quick drinks and I was gone. A week later, she texted me and said, basically, "Look, I feel like I was crappy company the other night — work has been really stressful, and I'm not my best self right now.

Can we try again? It was way better. Whereas, on the first date , she was heinously late, cagey, shy, and awkward, on the second date, she was cool, confident, dressed to kill, and right on time. We got along swimmingly. I was actually shocked. At the end of the date, she said, "hey, would you be offended if I asked you to take me home? And I ended up taking her home for six months afterwards.

Eventually we stopped seeing each other, but we're still friends, and we had a lot of fun. What's the lesson here? Well, sometimes good people behave badly. Sometimes they're off their game. You can only really get a sense of what a person is like if you get a reasonably wide sample of their behavior. After all, consider your own dating history. Don't tell me you've never flaked out on a date at the last minute, or been catastrophically late, or that you've always been in perfect form.

I assume you'd like to be forgiven for your occasional trespasses. Well, try to forgive this girl, too. Just because she flaked out on you one time, it doesn't mean, necessarily, that she's a flake. Maybe she's fantastic, and you caught her on a bad day. At the very least, it's really cool that she offered to pick up the tab, and she wants to try her again. So tell her that, yes, you'll meet up one more time, as long as she promises to be precisely on time.

And if she's more than fifteen minutes late, go home, log onto your favorite online dating site , and keep up the good work. Think you could use some dating help, too?

Stood up online dating

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5 Comments

  1. On the other hand, I feel like she treated me badly, and I don't want to reward that. They took one look at you, stepped out carelessly into the road and were flattened, Mean Girls-style.

  2. You can only really get a sense of what a person is like if you get a reasonably wide sample of their behavior. I feel like you probably want me to call her a hideous wench, and tell you to banish her from your phone forever as a punishment for violating your dignity. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating.

  3. No specifying majority demographics or excluding minority groups based on demographics.

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