I wanted somebody who had a certain attitude towards money I was looking for somebody who was going to be 20 pounds heavier than I was at all times. Somebody who was going to be totally OK with forcing our child to start taking piano lessons at age 3.
It was a pretty exhaustive list. And at the end, I had amassed 72 different data points, which, to be fair, is a lot. So what I did was I went through and I prioritized that list.
I broke it into a top tier and a second tier of points. And I ranked everything starting at and going all the way down to So once I had all this done, I then built a scoring system. What I wanted to do was to sort of mathematically calculate whether or not I thought the guy that I found online would be a match with me.
I figured there would be a minimum of points before I would agree to email somebody or respond to an email message. For points, I'd agree to go out on a date. And I wouldn't even consider any kind of relationship before somebody had crossed the 1,point threshold.
And this is, like, unbelievable. You are like Alan Turing, like, cracking the enigma code. You've cracked the online dating code. Well, I cracked if for myself. And I think that's what this comes right down to. A lot of people are - they either go into relationships not really knowing what they want and they change or they've settled.
And when you make your list, when you really think about who it is that's going to make you happy in the long term and what you're going to need, that should be the time that you make the most detailed list of your entire life. I know people who have a handful of things they're looking for in a mate, but who have grocery lists that are three pages long.
You are grocery shopping for a soulmate. There isn't a lot of science behind cracking the code. It's about figuring out what you need to make you happy and then going out and getting it. You know, in my case, I didn't want to go out on 50 dates. I wanted to go out on one date with the right person and be done.
Well, as it turns out, this worked pretty well. So I go back online now, I found JewishDoc57, who's incredibly good looking, incredibly well-spoken.
He had walked along the Great Wall. He likes to travel as long as it doesn't involve a cruise ship, right. And I thought I've done it.
I've cracked the code. I have just found the Jewish Prince Charming Of my family's dreams. There was only one problem - he didn't like me back. And I guess the one variable that I haven't considered is the competition. Who are all of the other women on these dating sites? She said she was a fun girl who is happy and outgoing. She listed her job as teacher. She said she is silly, nice and friendly. She likes to make people laugh a lot.
At this moment, I knew, clicking after profile, after profile, after profile that looked like this that I needed to do some market research. So I created 10 fake, male profiles. Now before I lose all of you All right, understand that I did this strictly to gather data about everybody else in the system.
I didn't carry on crazy catfish-style relationships with anybody. I really was just scraping their data. But I didn't want everybody's data. I only wanted data on the women who were going to be attracted to the type of man that I really, really wanted to marry.
And mainly what I was looking at was two different data sets. So I was looking at qualitative data - so what was the humor, the tone, the voice, the communication style that these women shared in common - and also quantitative data - so what was the average length of their profile, what - how much time was spent between messages?
I wanted to figure out how to maximize my own profile online. And as it turns out, I did a really good job. I was the most popular person online. And as it turns out, lots and lots of men wanted to date me. Well, not too long after that, I found this guy. And he said that he was culturally Jewish.
He talked in detail about travel. He looked and talked exactly like what I wanted. And immediately, he scored points. It was enough for a date. Three weeks later, we met up in person for what turned out to be a hour-long conversation that went from coffee shop to restaurant to another coffee shop to another restaurant. Well, a year and a half after that, we were non-cruiseship traveling through Petra, Jordan when he got down on his knee and proposed.
A year after that, we were married. And about a year and a half after that, our daughter, Petra, was born. It's like a movie. I mean, it's amazing that that happened, that all that happened. So afterwards, I eventually did show him the list. So fourth date in I had said, listen, I got to tell you something.
And I took the list out, and I said here's how we came to be together. And he thought that it was great. One of the things that was on the list was I was looking for somebody who would appreciate the beauty of a well-crafted spreadsheet. That's totally - that's exactly the right way to go. Well, and it was, and he did.
I mean, so if technology is, like, changing, you know, the way we find love, right. And if the algorithms can be gamed - I don't know - couldn't it, like, lead to the perfect person, like, the person you are meant to be with forever?
I think technology is a really useful tool to bring people together. But at the end of the day, it's up to us. Technology has made a lot of things in life much more efficient, much easier. Love is something that takes work. And it takes work even if you found your soulmate, your 1,point man or woman, the person that you are looking for who is the perfect person for you. You both still have to put in some effort.
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