I rarely called him or met him halfway. He loved the chase. In February , a new dating book hit shelves, claiming to offer "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Authors Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein took a wise and biting tone with readers, outlining such unbreakable principles as, "Always end phone calls first," and "be a little distant and difficult.
Looking back, one can see how The Rules got a foothold in the 90s. With any movement comes a backlash, and The Rules came hard and fast, telling all those women that equality is fine at the office, but it won't put a ring on your finger — and that's what you really want, right?
From the start, the book had its critics — those who called out the book as an anti-feminist , " goose-step guide to dating. Yet, the first printing alone sold over a quarter of a million copies in the U. Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life , which analyzes the ramifications of ingrained societal influences on modern dating practices. But, 20 years later, is the game finally changing? For Schneider and Fein, who've devoted their careers to this program, the answer is an unequivocal "nope!
And, she works in high finance! In their opinion, "feminism is about equal pay for equal work, owning a condo, or running a marathon," says Sherrie. Women cannot be men, romantically. Not Your Mother's Rules came out in , revamping the advice and catering to young women who are dating in the age of social media. Here, you'll find Rules like, "Wait for a guy to follow you on Twitter first," and, "Wait at least four hours to return a guy's first text.
She is aloof and demure. She wears only high heels and push-up bras with "big three-inch hoop earrings" and a "chunky gold watch. She doesn't return calls, doesn't blab about her career success "try to let him shine! She waits at least four dates to move beyond kissing, because when she does finally have sex with a guy, "there is no going back," Ellen and Sherrie remind her.
Otherwise, he will think you are spiteful. For the die-hard Rules Girls, there's a course for becoming a certified Rules Coach. On her blog, Platinum Girl: Like Ellen and Sherrie, she thinks The Rules are tools for women to stop men from ruining their lives. Texting is Vanessa's forte she later wrote a book titled, Text Love Power: As expected, this drove her guy up the wall.
But, there's always risk involved. But, I told her, 'We don't go text for text. How often have we analyzed and fretted over the precise timing and language of a text conversation? Perhaps all this calculated coquetting is anti-feminist and old-fashioned, but so is sitting at home and staring at the phone.
The only trouble with The Rules is that whether you reply or not, you're still doing it for the guy. Vanessa puts a more flexible spin on Ellen and Sherrie's program.
For her, it boils down to creating healthy boundaries and establishing your own power in the relationship, right from the start. Inarguably, that's a healthy and feminist intention. Some women might pull this off naturally, confident enough in their own worth and instincts to text back whenever they feel like it. Some men might not be alpha-texters, out hunting for a blonde in hoop earrings. But, a Rules Girl doesn't take risks like that.
She puts in her blue or green contacts, and she checks the chart on page 66 to ascertain Minimum Text-Back Time. As ever, the answer is clear and irrefutable: Make it yourself and believe it. Whether or not The Rules works isn't really up for debate. It does, for many women. Still, certain elements of social life have evolved since — and not just the size of our telephones.
There are men and there are women, period. Two teams, and one goal. By and large, they are all conditioned to enjoy the game.
But, what happens to the Rules Girl when she wins? A previous draft of this story was mistakenly published earlier this week. Please excuse the error on our part.