I like to write poetry, and meditate, and take long walks alone in the woods. I make my living writing articles about love and relationships… You get the idea.
According to research, as many as 1 in 5 people can be qualified as highly sensitive. Now imagine if you will, that every time a left-handed guy did something left-handed, they were teased and put down, made to feel different and ashamed. As result of this kind treatment, many of us learn to suppress our sensitivity, to try and act the part of the silent, stoic, macho man the world pressures us to be.
Until we fall in love. Within the confines of a romantic relationship , a man can finally let his guard down and express his thoughts and feelings. Often, our partner and lover sees a side of us that no one else in the whole world sees.
I know that there are women out there who simply will not date a sensitive man. To each, their own. But this article is for the ladies who have found themselves a sensitive guy, and fallen hard for him. How can I love him even better? Researchers believe that high sensitivity is an innate, biological trait. Our nervous system is hardwired to notice and process more information and sensory input, all the time. Kinda like being left-handed… Another important thing to remember is that, as his partner, you are his outlet, his understanding ear, the one — maybe the only one — with whom he can truly open up and be himself, and share from his heart.
Here are some practical tips and insights to help you make the most of loving, and living with, your sensitive guy: Elaine Aron discusses how people learn to regulate their emotions or learn how not to as young children. By the time we are adults, those strategies are internalized, and largely unconscious.
Sensitive men are especially prone to this, and can be easily overwhelmed by intense feelings of shame or inadequacy when these soft spots are triggered. Show him you love and understand him by learning what situations, words or actions are triggers for him — and then avoiding them as much as possible. Relationships are dynamic, they ebb and flow. Sometimes we need just to be close to one another, other times we need room to breathe, and work through our own stuff.
Being able to sense and feel where your partner is at on that spectrum is one of the most valuable relationship skills there is.
A sensitive man is even more likely than most to need space and solitude in order to process his thoughts and feelings. Just agree on something ahead of time, something that makes sense to both of you, something neutral. It enables him to tell you how he feels, at the moment when it is most difficult for him to do so. But in a world where everyone is always stressed and in a hurry, it needs to be spelled out sometimes.
Sensitive guys are not known for being decisive. Before making any choice — what movie to watch, what restaurant to go to, etc. And over, and over. That can be annoying, I know. Even when making little, seemingly insignificant decisions, his brain is working like a NASA supercomputer.
Be patient with him, and you might be pleasantly surprised by his extraordinary thoughtfulness and attention to detail. The male ego is a fragile thing. Guys worry about everything from what kind of car we drive, to our penis size. Men need to be loved and admired, complimented and validated just as much as women do.
And, you guessed it, sensitive men even more so. So tell him how much you love him and appreciate him, and tell him often. Even more importantly, show him. Demonstrate your affection for him through touch and intimacy, sweet little notes, thoughtful gestures, and the like.
One good thing about sensitive men: Listen From The Heart Everyone knows that communication is important to a successful relationship, right? But many people seem to forget that one half of communication consists of actually listening to what the other person says. Not assuming you already know what he means. Not planning your response, waiting for your turn to speak.
But really listening, and being present to your partner. This is a subtle and underrated art. Remember, a sensitive man puts a great deal of thought into… well, pretty much everything. When he opens up and talks to you, the chances are that each and every word has been agonized over, and carefully chosen to convey precisely what it is he wants to say.
Communicate Your Needs Clearly Of course the other half of communication involves telling him how you feel and what you want — and telling him clearly and directly. Is there really a code? Is it written down somewhere? Cause I would love to get my hands on that… The point is, you have to take responsibility for communicating your needs in a way that he understands.
Try it and see. Encourage His Personal Growth Sensitive men are usually open to, and eager for, some sort of personal growth or spiritual discipline. Being so in touch with our raw emotions, bombarded with sensory stimulation from all directions, and helpless to stop the machinery of our minds from constantly thinking and over-analyzing every detail… we need something to help us cope, to help us find peace and balance.
Whatever it is that your guy is into, get into it with him. Talk with him about it, encourage and support him. If your guy is not actively trying to better himself, express his creativity, and explore and develop his inner potential, do everything you can to encourage him to do so. It will make a world of difference for him, and for your relationship. There has to be give and take on both sides. A mature and sensitive man will be highly attuned to how you feel, what you need and want.
And he will go above and beyond in order to make you happy and comfortable. And if you can meet him halfway, and do the same for him, it can make for a truly magical partnership… The kind that makes other couples green with envy.
Sometimes the timing is all wrong. Hey, I get it. Who needs the hassle, right? Life is hard enough as it is.
That road only leads to disappointment and resentment. Be honest, with him and with yourself. You deserve to have the relationship you really want, and he deserves to be loved for who he is. In the end, the art of loving a sensitive man is the art of loving, period. The skills outlined above will go a long way toward sustaining and strengthening any relationship, and keeping the love the alive.
We are not so very different, after all. But being with a sensitive man is a wonderful opportunity to take the art of loving to a whole new level: It may not be easy — no relationship ever is.