How to Write the First Message or Email How important is it to write a good online dating first email? As I discuss in my free online dating guide , successful online dating relies in part on making great first impressions.
Whether the first impression is in the photos you select for your profile, how you describe yourself, or the first email you write, taking time to make the best first impression is important. For this discussion email refers to your first message in online dating. This will include whatever method the service you are using allows you to write a message to another member. It is also worth noting that most often discuss this from the point of view of a man contacting a woman, since that was my experience, but my hope is that the thoughts here are helpful to anyone.
This discussion is primarily for sites such as Match. This advice may still be helpful for sites such as eHarmony or Chemistry. Writing the online dating first email is the area where I made the biggest mistakes for the longest period of time when I was dating online. I would write overly long and, in my head, witty emails that very rarely received responses. I thought I was making conversation but all I was making was a girl scared.
I really did mean well. Writing a Better First Email My rule here is very simple: Give anything longer than three sentences a good, hard look before sending. Your profile is what you use to sell yourself, not your first email. While I feel that your profile should be a constant battle between brevity and substance, it should definitely hold enough for someone to make a decision about communicating with you.
The email should be the bait to get someone to view your profile. You have to keep your weird factor low. Never forget that you are working against the bad impressions created by every weird person who has come before you or even the good intentioned people who just come off odd like I used to!
Short emails can come off as confident. With online dating, the first message can make or break your chances of a successful first date. Based on my experience, I think the above are good guidelines to improve your odds of getting the conversation going.
So what do you include in this short, introductory email? First, try to include something in your first email to prove you read their profile. Many guys out there spam the same email to every girl they find attractive; most girls catch on to this and then look for it in other emails. Second, if you find something in a profile that you have in common or there is something you like about the profile, mention that area in your email if there are multiple things you really like, just mention one.
Often this question can be about a common interest you mention but any question is better than none. A large majority of emails sent are titled this way and if you contact a woman who received 15 email contacts since the last time she logged on, your email is going to get lost in the mix. Sure, she might review it and respond but why not try to stand out even before she opens your email?
For example, I enjoy an occasional day walking around a big city. Saying that I love walking through the city is a stretch but I would want to add some strength to my statement. Most emotion is lost in online communication and anyone who has used a: To avoid this, I would try to show my true level of interest by exaggerating it. Even though sometimes I felt like I was going over the top, I still saw a lot of success going with this type of emphasis.
Example Online Dating First Emails Giving advice on writing a better first message in online dating is good, but I think examples make it better.
The next two are special cases where asking the girl out occurs in the first email. In my experience with online dating, first messages where I asked the girl out were uncommon for me but I felt that in both the second and third first email example, it was the best option based off of the profile. These are just examples and ideas on writing a first email and you should go with what your comfortable with.
I am a XX year old looking for a nice guy to get to know and have a wonderful time together. I am a very outgoing person and enjoy all types of activities.
I work full-time as a real estate agent. I am very sociable and enjoy being around people. If you would like to get to know me, just send me a message.
This young lady devoted half of her profile to talking, in some fashion, about being social. This seems like one of the better points of focus when writing the email: Just sending that message!
I love being sociable too and liked what I was seeing in your profile. Have you ever gone swing dancing? My approach here is to be positive but brief. The goal here is to get her interest, have her look at my profile and if she likes what she sees, move forward.
I am crazy, unique and creative. Everyday boring life turns into an adventure along with me! Born and raised in the [a city] looking for someone to curl up watch a movie with or football or just hang out. A little facial hair is a plus and someone with an awesome personality is key! Hope to hear from you soon. The important parts again are: Mirror, Mirror dna evitaerc…gab dnuop evif a ni nuf fo sdnuop net ekil dnuos uoY.
Maybe yes, maybe no. Even in the case where she decides it is horribly corny, she might appreciate the unique quality it had. I also ask her out in the first email because: I am XX years old I love living life to its fullest. I travel every chance I can and love being around those I share things in common with.
This is an example of how sometimes profiles are too short and give you no clues to who the person is. With this type of profile, I always felt like simply asking them out on safe date in the first email is fine. Most profiles should have much more information for you to work with but you can apply the exact same ideas: Keep your emails short and positive Also, regardless what any book or person tells you including this guy , you need to be making decisions for yourself. I spent too much time blindly follow good-intentioned advice and not thinking for myself early on when dating online.
For example, in the Profile 3, creating an invitation to have a drink that looked like a travel itinerary might work well if she had mentioned enjoying creativity or if her profile was very creative. I hope my advice here is helpful for you however I also realize success is also often easier said than done. My advice in this article is based mostly on sites like Match. If you continue to struggle writing your first emails or struggle with getting responses with a service like this, trying a service like eHarmony might be helpful.
Because communication is controlled, making mistakes like writing a 5 page first email! However, while I met my wife using Match. You can learn more details on my thoughts on this service in my article on How eHarmony Works.
No matter what service you choose, I hope my advice here will help you with your first messages. Online dating can be unforgiving and for many of us it is easy to make mistakes without even realizing it. I hope the steps included here are helpful for you in avoiding problems in this area!