I love playing sports, and one of the essentials of an organized sport is an agreed upon set of rules. There are such things as out-of-bounds, fouls, and scoring systems. Without rules, everything quickly dissolves into chaos and the likelihood of someone being injured increases. When it comes to the dating game , no one seems to know the rules anymore. And this, I think, is one of the greatest difficulties of dating today.
How are we supposed to navigate dating if no one is playing by the same rules? I have my own set up assumptions and guidelines I bring to dating, and I personally know how I would answer all of the above questions. I know women who will ask out guys they are interested in, and I know men who would be completely turned off by that scenario. Leave people better than you found them. When I was a kid, my parents drilled into me that if I ever borrowed something, I should return it in as good or better condition than I borrowed it.
What I want to keep in front of us is the simple reminder that all humans deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. But somehow, when we date, we can lose sight of this simple fact. Instead of seeing one another as humans, we can slip into thinking of the person we are dating as the sum total of all of our dating expectations and they become an object instead of a human. Rather than thinking about how our actions affect another human, our selfishness comes out and we only think about things from the perspective of what we want out of the situation.
How is the way you date forming your character? How are the patterns and habits you reinforce now in dating shaping you to be a better spouse one day in the future? If your goal in dating is to find the person you want to marry, then the way you date is creating patterns for how you will treat your eventual spouse. And yet, when it comes to dating, it seems inevitable that someone always gets hurt.
Some of that is a necessary risk that comes with all matters of the heart. A break up is a break up, and no matter how you slice it there will be some pain. However, there are ways to date and even break up with someone that still communicates their dignity and worth as a human being. I suspect, too, that if we treat people with dignity and affirm their worth as a human being throughout every stage—from initial meetings, to texts and phone calls, to first dates and first kisses, to committed relationships, and to breaking things off — that we would make a lot of progress towards leaving people better than we found them.
Let me leave you with 5 practical ways you can leave people better than you found them: Avoid the silent treatment If someone has called you, texted you, or used one of the other ways we have these days of communicating with one another, honor them with a timely reply. Follow through on your promises Did you say you would call? Then you should call. Did you ask for a second date?
Then take them on a second date. Stop hooking up Bodies are not commodities. We are more than simply physical beings, and we need to stop using one another for physical pleasure outside of an appropriately committed relationship. Use clear language If you want to go on a date with someone, use clear language that indicates this is what you want.
So if you actually want to go on a date with someone, use language that makes your intentions clear. Practice appreciation without expectation One of the things that messes us up the most in dating is our expectations.
So instead of seeing how someone does at meeting all of your expectations, just be grateful and appreciative of what they do bring to the table. I never assume or expect that a guy will pay on a first date, and I usually offer to split the check.
However, I really appreciate if he does offer to pay. Expect less, and appreciate more. She has a love for coffee that borders on obsession, and is always on the lookout for new outdoor adventures. You can read more over on her blog at lauramcopeland. And be sure to leave them some love in the comment section below.