Affairs and infidelity by kalyani10 Dating sites over the internet has added a whole new dimension to personal relationships. While on one hand they have enlarged the dating pool and made it easier to search for partners based on certain preferences , the anonymity afforded the Internet has also led to cases of cheating and online affairs.
Thus it is no longer unusual to discover that a partner is conducting an online relationship or at least looking for one, though the growing trend may do nothing to diminish your hurt on discovering that the same thing has happened to you.
However there are ways to cope with such a revelation and here is what you can do when you find that your spouse has signed up with dating websites. Download the guide to winning a man's love, attention and devotion for life. Scope for ambiguity While dating and social networking websites are avowedly different in purpose, fact is that intention and dynamics of online relationships are often fluid.
Thus social networking sites were created to help members to make new friends and connect with like-minded people but they also bring people in touch with old flames and allow them to explore new affairs even though they might be married.
Again though dating sites are explicitly to help connect singles, some of them encourage members to form or join blogs, groups and forums based on particular interests which then function on the lines of social networking tools.
Watch out for the signs of cheating Though dating websites may have provision for social networking, there is no doubt about their primary purpose — that of bringing members together for the purpose of dating. The first of these will be your partner spending an inordinate time on the computer. If you notice the above signs in addition to some classic symptoms of a cheating spouse like swinging between excessive attention and complete neglect towards you, unexplained absences, disinterest in a shared social life, unnatural secretiveness and perhaps emotional extremes of joy and despair, chances are that your spouse is already engaged in an online relationship through the dating site.
And if you want to go the whole hog, there are spy softwares like Stealth ibot Computer spy which will not only give you a record of anything that has been typed like passwords and messages on Facebook but will also let you view a history of websites visited and take screenshots. While none of the above signs by themselves are proof of online cheating, taken as a whole they may well indicate another point of interest for your spouse.
See if you both are on the same page As if human relationships were not complicated enough, the internet has brought in further complexities in the form of questions whether chatting online constitutes infidelity. The fact though remains that any relationship, sexual or non-sexual, which causes a person to become emotionally distant from his or her partner is harmful, and online dating, when one's motives are impure, is not an exception to this rule. Typically, when individuals engage in online relationships, they do so without their partner's knowledge, and they hide what they are doing under a veil of secrecy.
In all these ways, this type of online behavior is not unlike that of those who are involved in sexual infidelity. Further, the amount of attention that is being placed on the online relationship inevitably takes time and attention off of the primary relationship, and this alone has the potential to cause problems between a couple. Also, apparently innocent online chatting can quickly and easily turn into a relationship that is romantic or sexual in nature; thus it is possible that your spouse may have joined the dating site not for some harmless chatting but for the sole purpose of meeting someone with whom they can pursue a physical relationship.
Therefore, while it might be argued that online chatting is more or less a "safe" form of cheating, or not cheating at all, it cannot be denied that it has the potential to bring harm to the primary relationship.
Instead of crying or throwing a fit, listen to what your spouse has to say and then ask if you can think about it. In the meantime gather your thoughts and especially go over the reasons why your spouse feels the need to look elsewhere for conversation or bonding. It is essential that you discuss things with your spouse but do it tactfully.
However things can still be salvaged if you both agree to see a therapist or at least a marriage counselor. As a third party, a marriage counselor will have no preset notions or prejudices about either of you and thus will be able to look at the issues involved in an objective light.
Instead a counselor will only help you both to communicate better which in turn may enable you both to work out the issues of conflict in your relationship and keep your marriage monogamous. In the end despite more effective communication, if you find that your priorities are completely at odds with each other or your spouse remains obstinate about an open relationship, then you need to ask yourself if you can continue with a spouse who is bent on having other sexual relationships — if not, there is little else that you can do but to prepare yourself for a divorce.