A breakdown of my family status: Mom and Dad divorced 6 years ago, when I was in my mid 20s. Mom remains single and happy, Dad remarried to a smart, independent passionate lady. I married 2 years ago and am very happy. My younger sister, who is 27 now, is at the center of my family's storm Years ago, while working at a job I loved with the BBB, I met a guy who was a bit young for me to date, but who was very intelligent and an all around "good guy.
So, after working with him for 6 months and being impressed by his friendly, engaging character and drive, I figured "Hmmm.. She moved in with him and all was well for about 2 years. They were sweet together and I spent many evenings enjoying their company for dinner. I continued to work in close proximity with him every day, so I saw the changes arise.
They often used code names while talking, like saying he was going to hang out with "Bill" when it was a woman, etc. It was all very fishy at the time.
I witnessed all of this and knew that he was no longer the sweet guy I introduced my sister to years prior, but she did not want to hear about any of the changes I'd witnessed, and chose to go on with their relationship blindly, giving him the benefit of the doubt for another 1. My sister didn't mention anything to anyone in my family, so we had no clue. She acted mopey the whole day, but she wouldn't admit anything was amiss, she just slept until we were in the ceremony.
Sleeping the whole day. Only smiling when we turned on a Disney movie. Of course, at this point, we knew something was not right, but what? She wouldn't talk to any of us so we tried to cheer her up. Meanwhile, she was still living in the rented house with her then ex, pretending they were still dating for his family's sake. When their lease was up 4 months after the rude break up, she moved out. That following year, she blossomed. She began exercising, lost a bunch of weight, started dressing like a woman instead of hiding herself, did her hair - you could literally see the transformation.
She dated a couple douche bags, but we were all happy she was, at least, no longer being controlled by the ex. Fast forward to January of this year - she dropped off the face of the Earth. No one in my family heard from her, she wouldn't answer texts or calls.
It was entirely bizarre. Then in May, she had a heart to heart with me, opening with "You're going to be mad It broke my heart when she was finally honest, after avoiding me and hiding this 'relationship' for 5 months. Now, she has been living with him since January, and though I'm one who buries the hatchet fairly easily because I hate drama, I just can't forgive this guy. I don't forgive her for hiding the truth for so long, either.
Not only do I hate this guy he was VERY rude to me my last few months on the job, which is a whole other can of worms , but my entire family hates him, too. We all know the truth now and while my husband and I can suck it up and invite him back into the lifestyle He still avoids our family for the most part, unless my sister forces him to be present, and then he's rude and distant , my Father and his wife are not so willing.
That's where my question lies - My father and his wife are visiting for Christmas this year, and his wife has made it clear that she will not be in the same building as my sister's boyfriend after the awful ways he's disrespected our family, especially my poor sister. I know that all I can do is support her and hope he never begins to get physically abusive, but in the meantime - How do you think we should proceed?
My tiny family birthday party is this Friday and I said he is welcome to come, but the last time he had to endure my birthday, 3 years ago, he said some rude things and made me cry, essentially ending the party because my husband kicked him out. For Christmas - Should I tell my sister he is not welcome?